Rick Tarnas and Stan Grof

This is an article from RealitySandwich.com. I wanted to copy it here as a memo to myself, and as as way to expose you to this unusual yet absolutely compelling work. Stan Grof and Rick Tarnas were two teachers of mine at the California Institute of Integral Studies, in SF. 

I've been renewing with astrology lately. These were the people that introduced me to it.

Thank you teachers. 

Stanislav Grof and Richard Tarnas: The Birth of a New Worldview

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The following is excerpted from Pathways to Wholness: Archetypal Astrology and the Transpersonal Journey, published by Muswell Hill Press. 

Breakthrough in Europe
In the mid-1960s, Stanislav Grof, a young Czechoslovakian psychiatrist working at the Psychiatric Research Institute in Prague, made some extraordinary discoveries concerning the fundamental structures of the human psyche. Conducting sessions with a wide range of individuals in a program of systematic LSD psychotherapy, Grof and his clients encountered experiences that gradually and then irrevocably challenged the orthodox Freudian model in which he and his colleagues were working.
The experiences that emerged during these sessions suggested a far deeper understanding of the human psyche and the cosmos itself than had been previously imagined in any existing psychological theory. After supervising over 3000 sessions and studying the records of another 2000 from colleagues around the world, Grof eventually introduced a far-reaching new model that accounted for the observations of his clients’ sessions, integrated a number of other psychological theories, and reached into areas of human spirituality described by the great mystical traditions of the world.

Grof’s research, although representing a dramatic breakthrough in Western psychiatry and psychology, is supported by many precedents in non-Western and preindustrial societies. Since the dawn of history, guided non-ordinary states of consciousness have played a central role in the spiritual and ritual life of humanity. Stretching back more than 30,000 years, the shamans of ancient cultures began their healing professions through a spontaneous or induced experience of death and rebirth. In a firsthand way, they explored territories of the psyche that transcend the boundaries of normal individual awareness. Similarly, in the rites of passage, initiates were guided into non-ordinary—or what Grof has termed holotropic (from holos, meaning “wholeness”; and trepein, meaning “moving toward”)— states of consciousness and had a personal experience of higher realms that transcend the physical world.

In the ancient mystery religions of the Mediterranean, neophytes participated in various mind-expanding processes in order to move beyond the limits of individual awareness and experience directly the sacred or numinous dimensions of existence. The celebrated Mother Goddess mysteries of Eleusis, for example, which were held near Athens for almost two thousand years, we are now virtually certain used ergot, a naturally occurring form of LSD.1 Many of the creative and intellectual giants of Western culture, including figures such as Pythagoras, Plato, Aristotle, Epictetus, Euripedes, Sophocles, Plutarch, Pindar, Marcus Aurelius, and Cicero, all attest to the life-changing power of their experiences at Eleusis or one of the other mystery sites.

As well as the ritual use of psychedelic substances, many cultures have used methods such as trance dancing, rhythmic drumming, sensory overload and sensory deprivation, sleep deprivation, breathing maneuvers, fasting, meditation, and other techniques to enter holotropic states. Preindustrial cultures around the world understood an important fact of human nature that we in the modern West have forgotten—that exploring the psyche can mediate a profound reconnection with the cosmic creative principle, helping people to heal a range of emotional and physical problems, transcend their fear of death, and reach a more integrated level of functioning in everyday life.

Modern consciousness research, such as that conducted by Grof, has found that individuals who undergo these transformative processes automatically develop an interest in spirituality of a universal, non-sectarian, and all-encompassing nature. They also discover within themselves a sense of planetary citizenship, a high importance given to warm human relationships, and the desire to live a more simple and satisfying life in harmony with nature and ecological values.
The considerable time and resources that other cultures devoted to finding effective techniques for exploring the inner terrains of the psyche is in marked contrast to the values in our modern industrial society. The dominant world view in Western civilization is concerned primarily with the external and physical layers of reality. In many ways it denies the existence of the human psyche altogether, and especially of higher spiritual or transpersonal states.
Grof’s research thus provides an unexpected gateway to a deeper knowledge of the long-neglected inner world. As we will see, the systematic exploration of the unconscious in holotropic states can initiate a profound transformation of awareness—a transformation that many now believe is urgently needed if we are to face and successfully overcome the great problems of our time. However, the journey into the heart of the psyche can be an immensely challenging process, exposing individuals to the depths and heights of human emotional experience. A map of the inner terrain, a way of understanding and predicting what might take place during holotropic-exploration sessions, would therefore be of invaluable benefit.

An Unexpected Rosetta Stone
For years, Grof and his colleagues had looked unsuccessfully for some kind of diagnostic system—such as the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory test (MMPI), Shostrom’s Personal Orientation Inventory (POI), the Rorschach Inkblot Test, and others—to predict the experiences of their clients in deep self-exploration. Decades later, when the cultural historian Richard Tarnas discovered and systematically applied what Grof would later call the “Rosetta Stone” of archetypal astrology to this problem, Grof had to ironically concede that the one successful predictive technique turned out to be a system that was even more controversial and beyond the range of conventional science than his research in psychedelic therapy. Despite their deep initial skepticism toward astrology, however, the correlations that he and Tarnas observed were striking and consistent over time. Whether the catalyst was Holotropic Breathwork, a psychoactive substance, or a spontaneous eruption of unconscious contents during a psychospiritual crisis, archetypal astrology provides, in Grof’s words, “the only system that can successfully predict both the content and timing of experiences encountered in non-ordinary states of consciousness in experiential psychotherapy.”2

Given the widespread misunderstanding of and skepticism toward astrology in the modern era, a brief preface is required before we proceed. Although many of the founders of modern science—notably Johannes Kepler and Galileo Galilei—retained a deep belief in the principles as well as the practice of astrology, and of a higher cosmic intelligence or God, subsequent generations would later discard this understanding as the relic of an older time. Although the astrological vision became deeply discredited in the modern scientific West, the world view underlying it maintained credibility and continued to flourish in the philosophical movements of late Neoplatonism, Idealism, and Romanticism, in a direct lineage from Socrates and Plato.

This situation began to change in the mid-twentieth century, however, with the work of the pioneering psychiatrist C. G. Jung. Jung’s discovery of the archetypes of the collective unconscious, his formulation of synchronicity (“an acausal connecting principle”), and his speculations concerning the anima mundi (world soul) provided a conceptual framework for the mature rebirth of a more psychologically oriented and nuanced form of astrology. Brought to fruition through the writing of figures such as Dane Rudhyar, Robert Hand, and Liz Greene, this new approach drew on the insights of Jungian depth psychology while leaving behind many of the fatalistic dogmas of the old astrological tradition. Hand’s work also set the stage for a much more rigorously self-critical and self-questioning discipline.

Then Grof’s friendship and collaboration with Tarnas was to initiate another major leap in the field. A highly respected philosopher and psychologist, as well as historian, Tarnas gained international acclaim with his best-selling The Passion of the Western Mind (1991), which went on to become required reading in a number of university courses around the world. He followed this in 2006 with Cosmos and Psyche, in which he presented over five-hundred pages of systematic and compelling evidence to support his groundbreaking theory.

Tarnas begins by introducing the concept of archetypes that has played such an important role in the Western philosophical tradition. For now, we can describe the archetypes simply as primordial patterns of experience, which influence all people and cultures in the form of basic habit patterns, instincts and emotions. In Cosmos and Psyche’s bold hypothesis, Tarnas suggests that the dynamic interplay of these timeless universals that have shaped our history occurs in coincidence with geometric alignments between the planets and the Earth, intelligible through an emerging epistemology and method of analysis which he calls archetypal astrology.

In contrast with traditional astrological belief and practice, the archetypal approach that Tarnas introduces is non-fatalistic and non-deterministic. The archetypes are recognized at all times as being complexly multivalent and multidimensional—taking different forms in different situations and at different times in people’s lives. Each archetypal complex can manifest in a wide range of possible expressions, while still being true to its basic thematic character. Tarnas carefully demonstrates that the methodology he presents is archetypally predictive rather than concretely predictive. Although planetary alignments can illuminate many essential characteristics of an historical epoch or individual life experience, and even suggest basic expected characteristics of an upcoming period, he emphasizes that the specific concrete expression the archetypes will take at any time remains indeterminate—contingent on additional factors such as cultural context, free will, co-creative participation, and perhaps unmeasurables such as karma, grace, and chance.

It should be acknowledged that many of the fundamental tenets of the emerging archetypal world view concerning the nature of the human psyche and of the universe itself are compatible with the most recent branches of modern science, including quantum-relativistic physics, Pribram’s holographic model of the brain, Sheldrake’s study of morphogenetic fields and morphic resonance in biology, Prigogine’s study of dissipative structures, systems theory, chaos theory, cybernetics and information theory, the anthropic principle in astrophysics, and others.

Grof also mentions the pioneering attempts of Ken Wilber and the successful accomplishment of Ervin Laszlo in integrating transpersonal psychology into a new comprehensive paradigm.6 I would further note Keiron Le Grice’s work in The Archetypal Cosmos, which draws on the implications of Tarnas’ research and integrates many of the new scientific theories in direct support of an archetypal or holotropic world view.7 Perhaps the most concise way to describe this emerging paradigm in science is the realization that consciousness, rather than being an accidental by-product of neurophysiological and biochemical processes in the brain, is an integral component of the universe itself.

The most well-known area of Tarnas’ study to most readers has been his exploration of cyclically unfolding archetypal dynamics in human history and culture, deeply informed by the principles of Jungian and transpersonal depth psychology. A less widely known aspect of his inquiry, and the area on which this book concentrates, is based on his research with Grof into holotropic states of consciousness. In 1990, I proposed the term holotropic astrology to describe this facet of Tarnas’ research that is specifically concerned with holotropic states.

Tarnas refers to astrology as a kind of “archetypal telescope” directed on the psyche, a way of understanding and contextualizing the material that emerges in deep self-exploration. Grof similarly concludes that the role of holotropic and psychedelic states of consciousness in psychology is comparable to that of the microscope in biology and the telescope in astronomy. When responsibly combined, the therapeutic effectiveness of these powerful magnifying processes of the psyche cannot be overstated. During my own three decades of research with workshops, consultations and personal experience, I have come to believe that archetypal astrology and holotropic exploration have the potential to revolutionize humanity’s relationship with its deeper nature and help us to rediscover a more harmonious relationship with each other, the natural world, and the larger cosmos.

Perfect Love

Tonight I opened one of my old books randomly, called Perfect love, Imperfect relationships. I read something about love being like the sun (yes, I do feel it this way) and how ''the sun's warmth makes clouds by prompting the earth to release its moisture'' in the same way that love makes our wounding and our fears arise... which often veil the presence love.
Yes, I know that.
Furthermore,
 ''Our ability to feel a wholehearted yes toward another person fluctuates with the changing circumstances of each moment.''

I feel it and ponder it every day. I love to muse over relationships as mirrors. I do love love. But I also want to be ''careful''.

I'm not exactly cynical. I see the phenomenon called ''falling in love'' as a mechanism, basically. Not a machine, more like a process. There's attraction, projection and chemistry. There's timing. There are needs, some of them conscious and others not. There will generally be some pushing and pulling.
But if the two fall at the same time, we'll have what I like to think of as the crucible.

Though the crucible doesn't actually necessitate commitment between two lovers ( though someone could very well notice their attractions, and observe their projections in order to bring more consciousness onto their individual patterns and yearnings.
 It's deeply... transformational, when two individuals can and do commit to the relationship. This will happen through the wounds and fears, and other ''trigger points''. This pushing of each other's buttons may lead to fighting, or to freezing/numbing, or to... fucking (the 3 Fs).
To the extent that a partnership is consciously worked with,  what we loosely call love can be an excellent opportunity to grow as a human being. I think this is marvelous!

So you see, I'm not cynical. It's just that I've read on the matter quite a lot, and, well... I've gone through the crucible too. I now feel more rational about relationships and about the process of love. I'd like for everyone to have it clear once and for all: attraction, infatuation and love aren't the same thing at all. When I speak of love in the context of a romance or partnership, I'm talking about the type of love you have to learn, together.

I also know Love as that light that shine above and through it all. Some sort of Agape. In fact, I'm very much caught up in the two forms and I realize I sometimes have a bit of a hard time distinguishing between the two. I love certain people with all my soul. I feel connected to their soul and I love them profoundly and unconditionally. Sometimes, however, I guess my personal story creeps in a bit. 

Sankai Juku

This story has to do with going to war for love. Whether it is agape or eros, I find myself being called to sacrifice in the name of love. Wouldn't it make sense, in the understanding of the aforementioned mechanism, to want to give up certain things (i.e. own projections, let down some walls) that we might be attached to?

I guess we just gotta make sure we give up the right things... for the right relationships.

Random note: Definition of the term overstanding:

The state of mind that emerges when all illusions- those in the conscious and subconscious mind- are removed; the intellectual state free from mis/disinformation, propaganda, lies, and deception; a grasp of the whole truth; human beings' natural state of mind undisturbed by the ego.

All that being said, I would say that I'm willing (and able) to grow in love. I would still need to experience that initial spark of attraction, and for it to be reciprocal. That's the tricky part, the one no amount of rational thinking can provide. I need some magic

Well, anyway, thank you science for helping elucidate this crazy little thing called love. I wish we could collectively decide to focalize this abstract concept we call love, to better define love's multiple facets (Here's an interesting article titled ''The Ancient Greeks' 6 words for Love'') and give ourselves a chance for some radical changes. I don't know if it can be done.

In the meantime I'll keep trying to figure out that whole thing about how ''to feel a wholehearted yes toward another person''. Can I keep my heart open, and whole, in front of those who do not seek the same relationship? Should I? I tend to think I should, but then again it can be such a painful experience sometimes. Can I keep my heart open with those people I feel an attraction for, as well as with those who I do not particularly wish to engage deeply with? (What's the difference? There is one of course, but underneath it all...)

the concept of Economy

A sweet Tuesday en la casa.... doing nothing.  Doing nothing?  No.  I'm writing.

Yesterday, Yves-Marie Abraham - associate professor at the prestigious HEC and one of the main organizers of the De-Growth Conference - did a presentation about the concept of ''the Economy.''
''What,'' he asked, ''is the definition of the economy? "
He didn't mention the etymology of the term: oiko-nomia = management of the house, but he instead gave us the definitions of those who play at the top of the field.  And it turns out that the modern concept of ''economy'' is inextricately tied to the notion of ''rarity''.  He didn't use the word scarcity, but the idea is the same.  Economy has do to with the managing, that is the production and distribution, of our rare resources.
 (I didn't write the definition verbatim, because I was busy doing some half-assed whisper translation for my anglo neighbors.)
Abraham went out to ask, ''Is the concept of economy then fundamental to all of humanity?''   What he found out, is that a brief research through anthropological lenses and research (what he called ''the anthropological detour) shows that many societies of hunter-gatherers do NOT live with this notion at all.  Even though they do not accumulate as much as we do (my addition), they do not know ''rarity'' (perhaps they know scarcity, however, and perhaps this is where the difference lies between those two words!), simply because they don't seek to satisfy a increasing number of their needs.
They are a-economical.

And this uproots our conception of human nature as homo economicus, doesn't it?

We can envision another mode of social patterning.  We could reconsider individual value as coming from other realms than ''professional'' or ''marketable'' value.  We can come out of our isolation and wake up to each other, and the ties that have been there all along: you are not alone.  And once you see and know that, you don't have as much of a need to go out and buy things.
It's become a cliché already and it doesn't seem to affect people anymore, but it is so true:  capitalism sleeps in the same bed with the advertisement industry (which has benefited so much from modern psychology uncovering our fundamental fears and insecurities) by creating more insecurities and fears, more needs...

Seeing this side of reality makes me sick to my stomach.  Because I participate in it everyday.

How can we change an entire system then?

By creating another one at the periphery.

In a post-economical world, we won't be working 40hours/week.  We'll work much less in fact, and we'll spend more time together.

8e Feu: je me souviens.

Hier soir, j'ai écouté un excellent documentaire, à la fois très divertissant et instructif.

8e Feu: Les autochtones et le Canada
(Il y a quatre épisodes, j'en suis au milieu du deuxième)

Saviez-vous que les autochtones canadiens représentent le plus haut taux croissance démocratique au Canada?  Saviez-vous que plus de 50% des autochtones vivent en ville, et que la moitié d'entres eux ont moins de 25 ans?

Pourquoi y a-t-il deux fois plus de jeunes autochtones que de blancs qui vivent sous le seuil de la pauvreté?  Pourquoi se suicident-ils à chaque semaine?  Pourquoi tant de problèmes de dépendances, et de violence conjugale?



Encore une fois, il est difficile de se pencher sur ces questions sans se buter à la ''culpabilité blanche''.  Le concept (''white guilt'') est généralement utilisé dans le contexte de l'histoire et des répercussions de l'esclavage aux États-Unis, mais il peut tout aussi bien être appliqué à la réalité Canadienne et Québécoise.



En fait, c'est peut-être encore plus complexe lorsqu'un peuple se sent déjà victimisé, comme le sont souvent les Québécois francophones.  Comment peut-on être coupables lorsque nous avons nous mêmes été victimes des Anglais?  Tel est le narratif, l'histoire qu'on se raconte.
Il est vrai que la couronne Britannique a prit le pouvoir sur les terres des colons de la Nouvelle-France et que c'est elle qui a conçu la Loi sur les Indiens.
Mais encore.  Aujourd'hui, ce sont autant d'anglophones que de francophones qui sont portés à nier la discrimination systémique qui afflige les nations autochtones.
Qui est le plus victime?  Il serait temps qu'on révise toute cette histoire et qu'on se donne l'opportunité de regarder de l'avant et de célébrer les différentes cultures qui constituent notre pays.  Culturellement, les Québécois francophones ont besoin de s'auto-déterminer au de toujours se définir par l'antagonisme et rce sentiment de victimisation.  Les autochtones aussi ont besoin de s'auto-déterminer... seulement jusqu'à présent on ne leurs a pas beaucoup donné la chance.

Personne n'aime baigner dans la culpabilité.  C'est plus facile d'éviter et de nier, de couper court en se référant aux stéréotypes: ''Les Amérindiens sont des lâches, des alcooliques, et des joueurs compulsifs, etc.''  (Saviez-vous que le jeu de hasard faisait autrefois partie d'un contexte sacré?)  ''Ils n'ont pas à se plaindre! Ils ne paient même pas de taxes!''

Faux.

Pour qu'une personne autochtone n'ait pas à payer d'impôt ou de taxes, elle doit résider et travailler dans la réserve.  Est-ce inutile de préciser qu'il n'y a pas beaucoup de boulots offerts dans les réserves?  Donc, la vérité c'est qu'au moins la moitié des autochtones canadiens paient les mêmes taxes que tout le monde.  Et oui, ils paient également leur comptes d'Hydro-Québec.

D'autres feront plutôt comme moi, qui ai tendance à romancer et idéaliser.  ''Les Amérindiens n'étaient-ils pas les experts du développement durable?''  D'autres encore s'approprieront la culture et les pratiques spirituelles des peuples autochtones sans même avoir la décence de demander la bénédiction de ceux-ci.  Cette question (i.e. l'appropriation culturelle) en est une autre que je trouve assez complexe.  J'aimerais beaucoup en discuter avec les principaux concernés.

Bref, il y a des choses dont on doit parler.  Pour le l'ensemble des habitant du territoire canadien puisse vivre sainement, il faut que tout le monde prenne part au débat.  Il faut qu'on s'écoute et qu'on se donne le temps et l'espace pour vivre et partager les émotions et les questions qui nous habitent.

Visioner ce documentaire est un bon point de départ et c'est pourquoi j'en fais la promotion:

8e Feu: Les autochtones et le Canada

Québec: je me souviens.  Mais de quoi?  Et dans quel but?

Bios-que-faire?

Psychic tension.  Tension psychique.
I've been offered a job... in a wonderful independent bookstore!  Biosfaire offers books on everything from permaculture to Buddhism, to anthroposophy, holistic health, and transpersonal psychology, to community living, consciousness studies, and super foods...

I had walked in there out of curiosity, and did something I never quite dare to do by asking, ''Do you guys happen to have a job opening?''
''Well yes, actually, in March.  You can give us your résumé.''
So I did.  I printed the appropriate version and walked over there (It's 10 minutes from where I live right now, and it'll be a ten minute bike ride once I move to my new place ... and get a bike) to find the owner doing her inventories.
''I studied Philosophy, Cosmology, and Consciousness'', I said, handing my résumé.  ''So your place pretty much feels like home!''
''Where did you study that?'' she asked.
''In San Francisco.  I just returned.''

She called me about a week later, that is, a few days ago.  ''Honestly,'' she told me, ''you are over qualified for this retail and service job... However, I do think you would have a good time working with us.''
I do too.  The problem is that it doesn't pay anything.  I mean, 16$/hour at a community center is already quite basic... But this.. is not even close to that.

I don't know what to do.
I just turned in an application for a position with the most amazing Non-Profit organization, called Exeko.  There, I'd get to use words, and symbols, as well as my social skills (I'd work in communications), in order to represent and promote artistic, cultural, and educational programs which are taking place with indigenous, incarcerated, and mentally disabled populations!  I mean, talk about an integration of my interests!
But what if I don't get it?

Maybe working in the hub of holistic health would be just as perfect...
I'd get to smell everything that's being published (oh! the scent of a freshly-printed book!), I'd certainly get to discuss eco-psychology, power of intention, and planetary wisdom with clients; I'd be able to speak that language on a day-to-day basis.  I'd be surrounded by the work of those I emulate.  I'd be inspired... and-or overwhelmed.
I was just telling a friend about feeling overwhelmed when I'm in a bookstore sometimes.  I want to read them all, and comment on them all.      I want to write them.  (But not all).

I was just telling another friend, that regardless of my stance against capitalism and consumerism I actually want to be financially comfortable.  I don't know exactly how that's done.  I guess the more you have and the more you fear of losing it anyway.  And what's being ''comfortable'' ?  I've lived with the premise that keeping my needs in check is a good start.  Do not succumb to the consumerisssss serpent.  Do not get fooled by advertisement.  So many get into debt trying to fulfill an emotional gap with stuff.  I just have to make sure I don't do that.  I just have to make sure I spend my money on what really matters...

But. 9, 75$ for an hour?

Acting out of fear? (of not finding something else)
Or acting out of love? (I've always dreamed of working in a library... and this is the best independent library in town!)

What do to?

''Managing'' Change

These past few days have been filled with deep and intense conversations.  Those are the times I feel the most alive and happy... in that scorpion realm, that deep near-taboo realm... underneath the masks and the daily habits of barely functioning.  It makes me sad when it's not acknowledged, it makes me feel alienated.
But lately, I've connected with a lot of wonderful people, around real philosophical topics: hopes, challenges, fear of regrets, aspirations, and dreams...
It's good to be vulnerable together.
It makes us stronger.

I meet people who have dreams in their heart, goals on the line, pasts to come to terms with.  As I stand at the crossroad, as one without a job or a place to call home, I feel that I can offer a mirror for all kinds of transitory states.  You are safe with me.

Interestingly enough...

There is a phrase I had never heard before, and which I heard twice in the span of one week: ''la gestion du changement'' (the management of change).  It is apparently becoming an important professional field.  I thought it sounded like a hubristic and absurd concept; How do you expect to manage change?  How dare you suppose you could control the situation?
But then I realized that managing doesn't necessarily mean controlling.  And I became curious...

Everything is constantly and perpetually changing, mutating, evolving.  Life is synonym with Change.
It is my belief that many of the challenges humans come to face -individually and collectively - come from our inability to accept the facticity of Change.  We deny, we delay, we resist, we argue, we collapse... We have a hard time accepting that things don't last forever.  They die, and new ones emerge.
Of course, it's not easy to say goodbye to what we knew, to what we'd come to feel comfortable within, and to take a step toward the unknown.  It's scary as hell, and it's certainly disorienting.  It can feel quite disempowering.

So how do we say "yes'' to Change?  How do we ''manage''?  How do we adapt?



In the business world, it is said that the creation of efficient communication systems is one of the keys.  I think it is fair to say that we could apply this rule to the sociological in general.  The more information is available and up-to-date, the more people will be able to follow the course of what's going on.  This alone makes us feel safer and more empowered.  An efficient communication system should also allow for the exchange of information.  The best example for all of this is certainly the advent of the internet and the essential role it has played in the globalization era.
I cannot help but wonder about the conundrum of ... let's call it ''verticality versus integrity''.  To what extent must information be organized in order for it to be pertinent, clear and thus efficient?  Should it be chosen, filtered, and distributed from the top down?  Who gets to choose?  Doesn't that sound scary to you?  Doesn't it smell of authoritarianism?
Isn't that what democracy stems from?  Isn't that why we've created ''open source'' systems?
Could the masses handle Change on their own?  Do we have the capacity to discern the information that's relevant, and to mobilize on our own?
I think of Egypt, I think of the comfort that comes with centralization.  I think of the challenges to decentralization... And I wonder...

And how does this all translate to the personal level?  What does an ''efficient communication system'' mean, when we speak of an individual dealing with change.  One can deny, postpone, or rebel against the reality of it, but Change is.  Failure to acknowledge and say ''yes'' can only lead to more suffering.
So how to ''manage''?  I don't have the answer, but I am tempted to draw parallels... macro to micro.  What are the different ''departments'', (or ''centers'') at work in the organization of a human being?  The body, the mind, the heart, the spirit...  Different people will have different ideas on this subject..
(What's yours, dear reader?)
Can we create open information systems between those different ruling centers, so that each may communicates its needs, its fears, its desires, its wisdom?
I think we can.  I think we need to talk about those things.  I think we need to take the time.

Increasingly, a lot of changes are upsetting our planet, our so-called nations, our geopolitical structures... as well as our careers, our love-life, etc.  How do we manage?   

Change triggers emotions.  It is fear which often lurks behind what we like to think of as rationality.  This is what experts in ''change management'' are beginning to talk about, as they are touring all the big companies.

I wonder if they suggest the creation of forums where people can address their fears and emotions.  I wonder if we can come to a point where we find safety and courage in the knowledge that we are all in this together.

We are all in this together.

Wise Adolescence.

A bit high on caffeine this morning.  Listening to epic songs from Muse.  Wondering whether I should revise my curriculum vitae, again.
What do ''they'' want?

I'm realizing how much of a teenager I have been.  Not wanting to integrate society, feeling confused and angry at the ways things are done; ; calling it superficiality, hypocrisy... unsustainability.
But those feelings are gently shifting today.  There's been a revolution happening in me since I learned about shadow projection.
Besides,
Collective consciousness is a historicyclical phenomenon.  Those who are able try their best, the others are not responsible for their failures. (Here we get to the problem of evil again, but I'll choose innocence over fear again today.) I've been observing it in myself for a few years now: superficiality, hypocrisy, there's a drop of everything in every single one of us.  Makes me feel compassion (com-passion = feeling with)  It's all rooted in fear and not-knowing.
But what about unsustainability?!  Doesn't that make for right and wrong?  I sometimes think so.  And in true anthropocentric fashion I will say that it'd certainly be a sad-sad thing to see the self-conscious species gone.  But I Love the Creation regardless.  We'll either kill ourselves or we won't.  All of this to say, that the challenge of sustainability is perhaps more like a dance between life and death.  Hopefully humans can hear the song.

Am I buying into oblivion, buying my peace of mind, giving up the struggle?  Who knows?
I feel like growing up a bit, it's true.  I think it's time I stand behind my vision.

Adolescence (to come back to my point), after all, is an in-between time.  It's true I've pretty much always felt in-between.  I couldn't always name it, but that's what it is.  I'm not quite schizophrenic but I'm quite queer indeed.  I even created that condition outside of myself by falling in love with San Francisco: in the end, I could neither be here nor there.
And that's why I chose to move back to Montréal at this time.  I needed to try out this route to my feeling of integrity.  On the great wheel of Life I wanted to move towards more grounding and manifestation.  My heart is full, I want the world to drink from it.  I want to nourish my peers, I want to follow my exegesis of Nietzsche in ''becoming the meaning of the earth".  I think it is time to share some of my wisdom.  I say this in all humility.  By wisdom I mean: a knowing that ''it's all good.''
I've learned that much through thirty thousand dollars of graduate school.

How do I write that in my résumé?

I've been visualizing myself teaching philosophy to teenagers.  It'd be a good way to integrate that familiarity for adolescence all the while stepping into my new found sense of self-authority.
Or I could still work my way towards another credential, in Drama Therapy.
I'll always write, I'll always think.  I want to help things move.  Doesn't matter the title the job has.  Give me a chance to organize a great project on civic participation, or invite me to join your co-op grocery store.  I'm not that picky.

Each thing in their own time.  Other times will mean and necessitate other places.  Things they come and things they go..

For now, I clearly see this propensity of mine, that natural state of mind: in-between.
Like a psychopomp of sorts.  Working the transition.

Wish I could only get a bit of financial validation.  To pay the bills, keep warm, keep the energy flowing.  I'm giving of me and I trust.

Thank you for reading.  Don't be shy, please comment and engage.  What do you think?  What do you feel?  How is your experience similar or different?  This ain't supposed to be a soliloquy.

Land-ing

I woke up here today, in Montréal.
I have slept in this bed before, I have taken this métro.  I have spoken this language and I've seen these people.  This is not new.

But this time is different.  I am especially excited, 'cause this time I get to stay for a while.
Whenever I've come to visit Montréal, I stayed with friends, and for less than a week.  This time, the town is mine for the taking...

Outside of métro Mont-Royal.
(Montréal is full of graffiti too!)

I am blessed to have an amazing friend who's letting me stay with he, in a top-knotch apartment right on the Plateau Mont-Royal, during two months.  I am blessed with a whole group of old friends; people I grew up with, people I've miraculously managed to remain close with, despite all these years away.

Ten years that is.  An entire decade since I lived here permanently.  For Heaven's sake, I don't even have access to my free healthcare - one of the defining characteristic of the Canadian\Québécoise identity - anymore.
I have missed whatever big tv shows, whatever media hype to have entered the collective psyche since I left.  I have kept up with a lot, but I also have so much to discover.
Therefore, I am still traveling.
In fact, I am making a point to keep the mindset, even as I gradually settle down into a more sedentary existence, for the moment.  It's hard to believe I am becoming sedentary.  As my friend said, ''I'll believe it when I see it... in a few months.''
They are gentle, but the voices in me are pulling in opposing (seemingly opposing) directions.  On one hand, I am hoping to remain free, to explore, to connect, to spontaneously follow the rivers of my soul to where they might lead.   On the other hand, I am craving a flat I can call home.  I want to get art supplies, stuff.  I want to have people over, friends, family, couch surfers!  I would like to make a few steps in the direction of some first career.  I am re-writing my CV, I am re-inserting the system.

However, I am hoping to get back to visit San Francisco at some point.  I have a lot of my stuff still there: musical instruments, books, a few clothes.  Most crucially yet: there are a LOT of people in the Bay Area, who I adore with all of my soul.  And the place itself, the farmers' markets, the Pacific Ocean, the revolution...  I gotta give myself some time before I go back, and I just hope to keep myself free enough to be able to travel for a few weeks.
That's the challenge: to experience both mobility and stability.  Freedom, and security.

Though most of all, I want to remain porous, the way I have been for the last three months.  I want to explore, to connect, to learn from the places and the people that will help me grow.  I want to seek those places and make it happen, the same way I have been.
For that, I need to keep coming to my self.
I want to be my own center, that is, in a soft-flexible-changeable way rather than a strong- crystallized one.  It's well known that family - the past - often has the power to pull one back into ''regression''.  Individualization becomes a very strenuous path when one is confronted with the matrix; and especially when one loves the matrix.
I don't want to hurt anybody, but I want to keep growing towards my higher self.
That's the plan.  It's the Hero's Journey.  The pilgrimage is not over.  I will never be.

View from my bedroom in Québec City

So stay tuned my friends.  I intend to keep this blog inspired and lively.  I intend to bring you with me as I discover the majestic part of the world, the great metropolis of Montréal, the great open spaces of the province of Québec, the infinite new worlds of the psyche!

It's particularly awkward to be writing in English at the moment, since everyone surrounding me is Francopohone.  And we have that same eternal debate, over dinner, about the future of French in Québec.
But from where I stand at the moment, I think I can handle this fact of the phenomenon... of imperialism.  I think I can handle writing in the language that can reach the most of you.
I'll just start another blog in French!
In time...

For now, I'll go have breakfast with my mommy and daddy :)

In Catalan...

Clown Estado

I am now three hours from Barcelona, on my last bus trip before returning to Québec.  

I think I've grown better at saying goodbye and letting go.  During the first two months of this journey, I often left whatever place I had come to experience with a sentiment of not-enough-time-!.  I felt that bitter sweet longing, not to be passing through only, but yearning, to go to the depths of a people, a language, a place...

But yesterday, as I walked in the neighborhood of Realejo, and then up to the periphery of the Palace - but did not enter - , I felt something different.  I was well aware of all the things I wouldn't get to experience in Granada.  There is the Alhambra, that famous red palace, known by all locals and visitors as a real moorish architectural jewel.

La Alhambra

Vista Santo-Nicholas,
looking out at the Alhambra,
and the snow-covered Sierra

There's the Apujarra region, just on the other side of the Sierra Nevada, where indigenous (now mixed with many ex-pats from England and else where) pueblos allegedly live a most pristine communal life within the mountains.  There's Serromonte too, which is a neighborhood of Granada where people live within the mountain, in caves!  And they play a lot of Flamenco there, and it's the real thing.  It's not something you schedule as part of a touristic tour.  Real Flamenco happens spontaneously, when the spirit moves them.  And what about the reggae scene?  With such a high rate of dreadlocks per capita, Granada must have a nice scene!  

Oh well. 

Calle Silencio

I walked slowly, simply, enjoying the tiny narrow curvy paved streets, the murals of Realejo, the omnipresence of moorish architectural details, and later the sound of water running down the gutters of the Alhambra gardens.  I was relaxed, satisfied.  I didn't need more of anything.

Perhaps it had to do with having those three days of ''Clown, con Danza y Energia'' workshop.  I had come especially for that experience, and even though I could just dwell in that space permanently (it's kind of my goal in life), I mainly just left the course feeling energized and inspired.

I feels good to be reconnected with the work.

My couchsurfing mama and I,
having tubos and tapas after the workshop,
talking of a revolution that's happening.

"Clown no es un personaje, y no es tampoco 'tu mismo'... Para mi, clown es un estado." explained our teacher.

A mi me gusta eso.

How can we deny the wisdom in this?  Clown isn't a character, and it's not quite your own self either; clown is a state of mind.  It's saying "Yes!" despite everything.  (Indeed, it's super Nietzschean to me.) It's opening one's self totally, as in 360 degrees of ears and eyes and skin, connecting with the totality of the environment, ready to make new connections at any moment.  That's how the clown helps life to open up and renew herself.

In the workshop, we did an exercise aimed at exploring how we each tend to react when thrown off-balance.  Disequilibrium is where the clown lives and thrives.

One person would start walking around the room, and a partner's role was to get in the way, pushing and pulling on the first person's body and clothes, thus creating unpredicted and unwanted  disruptions and obstacles.

Everyone had their own set of reactions.  Some resisted more, some were annoyed, some were more fluid and accepting of the new directions brought upon them.

  

Clowns y tapas!

Personally, I discovered that I wanted to trick my partner.  I felt open to her input and eager to discover new directions in space and in my body; but most undeniably, I just wanted to joke around and engage in play.  I wanted to be unpredictable myself, make quick changes in direction,so she wouldn't catch up with me.  And simply, because I could!  

How informative!  And of course saying "yes" and staying light and open is easier to do within the boundaries of this exercise than it is in life.  In this game, I knew who and where my partner was.  I had a sense of direction that was limited by the stage and didn't involve anything more than walking around.  

Still, I guess I discovered that I do live my life in quite a similar way.  Perhaps it's easier to play hide and seek, to come up with my own changes in direction, to walk a bit of an erratic path rather than a straight one, to try to escape rather than commit to a specific goal, for fear of getting thrown off.

But it's not only fear.  It's not necessarily "resisting."  It's also dancing with the essence of existence, which is change.  I dare saying that I think there's some wisdom in that.

One more thing.  The exercise was very informative indeed, but I personally thought that something was missing in the set up.  Some-bodies were so open to external influences; they let themselves be so fluid, that it didn't seem authentic enough to me.  In life - as in clown - there's got to be a minimum (or maybe a lot) of self-will (does this phrase exist?). Otherwise there's just no life, no drama, no tension.  One remains waiting for external forces to push and pull and guide without ever bringing energy of their own.

Would these forces not empty themselves, after a while of giving, without meeting any "resistance"?  Wouldn't libido not exhaust and drain itself?  Wouldn't it get bored?

I tired to raise that point to the class, but in a broken spanish I'm not sure the teacher understood my statement.  I just thought he should mention that "accepting" change/ disequilibrium/ obstacles doesn't mean completely subjecting to it (as some people seemed to be doing in the exercise) but rather, perhaps, that it means being open to see/ hear and integrate new information at any given time, so that one's sense of will and inner guidance remains fluid.

the sound it makes...

Am I making sense?

What do you think?

It's like water...

''Zero Impact'' EcoCafé-Bar Manila...
with an exposition on Québec and its ressources!!

Recommitting myself not to eat meat.

Committing myself to keep drinking with friends :)

Granada will show herself...

Minuscule tinyscule revolutions 
an electron, in this polyverse 
feeling the sudden leap of faith
of the subconscious, subatomic level
Hoping i'm going towards light and life
-even in the explosion-
for the continuity of creation


Primero día de curso con Natalia y Piero, lovely (I never use the word lightly) teachers from Bont's Internationl Clown school, which my dear friend Jesse had told me so passionately about.  ''You, of all people, have to go to Ibiza and study there.''
I can't quite afford to do the two months program yet (anyone wants to sponsor me?) but when I learned about a weekend workshop taking place in Granada, I knew I had to come;  so that's basically why I came to Andalusia in the first place.
One day of workshop: I'm in the alembic already.  That might be something to expect when the title of a course is:  'El Clown Vulnerable'.


Hay muchas cosas que estoy empezando a comprender (a "re-corder": olha la etymologia!), sobre yo mismo... poco a poco... Por ejemplo, que yo también tengo fracasos... montones the fracasos!  Es solo que se passan mucho cuando estoy "peda"!
Entonces.


Tapas with ocho castillan-speaking clowns, from Ibiza and Formentera to Valencia, and into Italy.  And in Granada, "tapas" means something particular and wonderful... it's means that you order a beer or a glass of wine for two euros, and it comes with a free small plate of warm food!  So happy hour equals dinner!  I had read that having tapas with a group of friends was the essential Granada experience, and I had wondered if I'd get to have it... well.. Gracias a la vida :)


And I didn't want to, but I did have expectations about the workshop.  I don't exactly know what they were, but as always, I can just know - below the words - that they are there indeed.  Everything seems to be expectations; I tell you, it's been in my face - or rather, in my brains and bones - all throughout this journey.
For I've gone to places I know almost nothing about, only those ideas that I know to be generalizations, clichés.  I like to think I am fully open and receptive to whatever may come, but the emotions that come up are the evidence that I did have expectations!  Ok, perhaps they were desires, more precisely.  But how confounded are the two!?  Expectations, projections, illusions... desires and attractions ... or simply, the arch-aic energetics of our... interconnection.


Anyways.  With this one, I hoped for something profound.


And I can't say yet.  I still don't understand what's going on actually.  I haven't had the big epiphany/confirmation sobre que voy hacer con mi vida y todo, pero no hace nada porque cuando estoy en el mundo del clown.. everything just makes so much sense!  It makes sense 


because in clownworld 
the form is the content.  
as in lila, 
as in "life is but a stage..."   
thus the clown is content.


It's a destination and it is a goal to keep your third eye on.


Someone told me, "Granada is going to show herself to you."
Well I can see myself a bit, that's already a lot.  At best, that's what a place can do.  And a place is a people, and that's extremely - yet also partly - true.


And perhaps this alchemical weekend (it's a full moon tomorrow) is also happening because the future is getting nearer and nearer.  My psyche is really just doing its thing, as usual.
I think of Québec.  Trying to handle expectations. (mine)
I'm filling my tank with sunlight and bits of wisdom.

Besides, It's actually super cold here at night.  I'm freezing and I've been freezing more than once in the past three months.  So why do I continually reinforce the notion of Québec as a cold... horribly long and cold, and miserable environment?
It can't be just that.
It's so much more.


And I'm experiencing a good amount of fear but I'm also very excited.
Estoy buscando la palabra para decir eso.. excited.
Estoy buscando la palabra.

And who knows if I'll come back, to work the earth and/or study full-time on Ibiza?  I could do it.  After all, someone tonight said that underneath layers of socialization and conditioning, we can do everything we want.  (I debated against, like a good saturnian.)
Well maybe... I could do it... later.  You know, after a whle in this whole ''Québec probation'' (sounds awful, but literally, it's kind of what this is going to be!)  
According to the free dictionary:
Probation: 1. A process or period in which a person's fitness, as for work or membership in a social group is tested.

You know, after the ecovillage and the drama therapy and the cafe-bistro and all?  You know?
There is no way I could plan ahead.  It's a old map offering a myriad of directions.  Of course I could stick to the wide boulevards, to the market streets.  They do have a function.  But I am drawn to the old parts of town.  Those made like mazes, with small sinuous calles.  Those where it's often easy to get lost.  Those with the soul, because they signify our histories.  Epicenters only, nevertheless...
Reverberations everywhere.  Plus we're all epicenters.
In the end.

Cadiz to Albolote, always now

I just went for a short walk through the sleepy streets of Albolote, a small town of 15000 inhabitants, resting at about seven kilometers from Granada.  I slept here last night, in my own quarters.  I found a guitar, which was already tuned, and played a little bit.  (The area is actually famous for its guitar makers, which makes sense when you make the connection: this is Flamenco land!)
But more on this later.  First, I would like to back track to twenty-four hours ago, as I spent the preceding night in yet another historical location: Cadiz...



I had spoken with my mom the day before, while still in Sevilla, and she had asked: "Prends tu un peu le temps de relaxer, de juste... rien faire, genre t'installer sur la plage avec un livre?'' (''Do you take time to just hang out and do nothing, like, sit down on the beach with a book?")
"Well I haven't really been around beaches much, except in Nice... and even there I just took a twenty minute stop to skinny dip in the Mediterrean, before catching the train to Ventimiglia."

I have taken time to stop.  I have been meditating, actually, and I've sat in many a bus doing about nothing.  But it's also true that I've walked quite a lot over the past two and a half months.  Faithful to myself - for better and for worst - I've been curious and I've made a point to take in as much as possible about everything I get to see while being on the old continent.  However, my mother's words sounded timely and significant when I sat down with the map of Cadiz (and a cerveza fria) from the office of tourism.  My hosts lived on the other side of town (though it is a small one, on a peninsula) so there were a few "historical points of interest" on the way; but I decided I had seen enough churches already (and honestly, I just didn't feel like rolling my noisy suitcase around those paved streets), so I chose to pass on the architectural tour of "the oldest city in Europe" (Cadiz is 3000 years old!) and go for a walk along the Atlantic Ocean instead.  Only one day in Cadiz?   So be it!

This is where Christopher Colombus set sail from.
And this is where he came back to, with loads of exotic products
from "the Indias": potatoes, tomatoes, corn, etc.
  

The day was gorgeous.  "December 7th ?"  I laughed inside: "Como me gusta el sol!  Como me gusta esa luz!"

I got lost once - faithful to myself - but eventually arrived in la calle Angel.  I crossed my fingers and rang the doorbell.  I knew my host wouldn't get home until 8pm, but she'd said her roommate Clement would be there.  I don't have credits in my "handy" anymore, and it's very much starting to look like I'm not going to recharge it before I leave, in less than two weeks, so I couldn't call to notify of my arrival!  But someone did answer the door.  "Eres Clement?" I asked.  "Si."
"Eres frances?"
"Oui.  Et toi.. canadienne?"
"Ouais."

I think that every single French person I've met so far calls us Canadians instead of Québécois.  You'd think they'd be more precise, you'd think they sympathize.  But no.  They don't even say "Canadiens français"... just.. ''Canadiens'', who speak.... canadien!.   They don't make the difference, they don't necessarily know or care about our dear crise d'identité.  It seems that for them we are already different, since we live on that far away continent called America.
Clement offered me a cup of tea and a plate of noodles he had made for lunch.   We chatted a little bit, and I found out I had landed in one of those Erasmus flats, just like in that movie ''L'Auberge Espagnole''.  There lived five exchange students: from Lithuania, Poland, France, and who-knows-where-else, and they all came to Cadiz to study, learn Spanish, have a cultural experience... and to fiesta, of course.
"And you often host couchsurfers?" I asked.
"All the time!" he said, "We once slept eleven people in here!  There were three girls on the kitchen floor, and three more sharing my roomate's room. Plus all of us."

I noticed a French novel on a shelf and asked if he'd perhaps be interested in trading it for the one I had just finished.  It was Jack Kerouac's "Le vagabond Solitaire" (The lonesome traveller).  Que bueno!
Then he went on to study some more, and I took the book, as well as my juggling clubs, and went for a walk.  Screw all these landmarks; Cadiz is a maritime city, and I decided I'd just hang on the coast some more.  I walked and walked and smiled and sat for a cup of cafe con leche, until the sun began to set.

I don't know what goes on in the streets of Cadiz, but my sense is that the beach is where it's at.  People tranquilo.  People playing guitarra on the boardwalk, singing Flamenco.  Couples strolling.  Quite a romantic setting indeed.  A group of teenagers setting up for a most clever and impressive game: an exercise ball buried in the sand, and they used it as a trampoline, to practice saltos and other acrobatics!

After sundown I walked some more, guiding myself according to the changing qualities of light on buildings, and following the sounds that suddenly came out of small neighborhood bars, here and there, where locals - and their children- gathered for happy hour and a bit of soulful Flamenco. 

Back to the apartment I had a chat with M., attempting to explain, once more, what I studied in San Francisco.  She was especially eager: "Tell me what you learned."

So I tried once more; first in espagnol but eventually switching to English.  "Well, I've learned that everything we see is a projection of our psyche - it's all one - so that our sanity is directly connected to the health of our environment."  

3000 year old Magnolia?

"Everything is deeply and intrinsically interconnected: psyche, nature, one another..."  

"I learned that everything is already perfect, but that it doesn't mean we should do our best to change the world for better.  It's called paradox, and it pervades everything."

"And finally, I found that changing one's self - or ones relationship with one's self - is the hardest.  I'm still working on that, big time!"

"Tell me more," she said.  "Do you meditate?  I think we're all so addicted to thinking."

Right on hermana. "I do'' I answered. ''I try."

"I have a really hard time meditating." she said defeatedly.

"That's all there is," I said to validate her experience.  "But I read somewhere, and I always like to remember... that meditation simply is such a great opportunity to practice self-love, as in, forgiving one's self.  Because we always fail at it, and we can choose to judge, or to forgive."

"Tell me more."

"What if we just sat together, right now?"

So we did.

And afterwards, she went to sleep and I went out with the others.  It was already midnight and they were just getting ready!  

We went to a bar called Woodstock.  We met a friend of theirs, who also had a couchsurfer with her.  Around the table, there were now five different nationalities: Spanish, Russian (Lithuanian), French, Quebecoise (Canadian), German.  We spoke Spanish, French, German.  We drank tinto de verano and cervezas.  We sang Bob Marley: One Love.

L'Auberge Espagnole!

This morning I got up before all of them, made myself some tea to go, and went to catch the bus in direction of Granada... well... via Sevilla.
And here I am.  I'm staying in a family home and it is gorgeous.  Cold at night, but gorgeous.  And tomorrow I have plans to help out in the garden.  I could go to the city and visit the Alhambra  (''not to be missed!'', they all say), but I'd much rather learn how to prune the lemon tree!!

Love it!