Perfect Love

Tonight I opened one of my old books randomly, called Perfect love, Imperfect relationships. I read something about love being like the sun (yes, I do feel it this way) and how ''the sun's warmth makes clouds by prompting the earth to release its moisture'' in the same way that love makes our wounding and our fears arise... which often veil the presence love.
Yes, I know that.
Furthermore,
 ''Our ability to feel a wholehearted yes toward another person fluctuates with the changing circumstances of each moment.''

I feel it and ponder it every day. I love to muse over relationships as mirrors. I do love love. But I also want to be ''careful''.

I'm not exactly cynical. I see the phenomenon called ''falling in love'' as a mechanism, basically. Not a machine, more like a process. There's attraction, projection and chemistry. There's timing. There are needs, some of them conscious and others not. There will generally be some pushing and pulling.
But if the two fall at the same time, we'll have what I like to think of as the crucible.

Though the crucible doesn't actually necessitate commitment between two lovers ( though someone could very well notice their attractions, and observe their projections in order to bring more consciousness onto their individual patterns and yearnings.
 It's deeply... transformational, when two individuals can and do commit to the relationship. This will happen through the wounds and fears, and other ''trigger points''. This pushing of each other's buttons may lead to fighting, or to freezing/numbing, or to... fucking (the 3 Fs).
To the extent that a partnership is consciously worked with,  what we loosely call love can be an excellent opportunity to grow as a human being. I think this is marvelous!

So you see, I'm not cynical. It's just that I've read on the matter quite a lot, and, well... I've gone through the crucible too. I now feel more rational about relationships and about the process of love. I'd like for everyone to have it clear once and for all: attraction, infatuation and love aren't the same thing at all. When I speak of love in the context of a romance or partnership, I'm talking about the type of love you have to learn, together.

I also know Love as that light that shine above and through it all. Some sort of Agape. In fact, I'm very much caught up in the two forms and I realize I sometimes have a bit of a hard time distinguishing between the two. I love certain people with all my soul. I feel connected to their soul and I love them profoundly and unconditionally. Sometimes, however, I guess my personal story creeps in a bit. 

Sankai Juku

This story has to do with going to war for love. Whether it is agape or eros, I find myself being called to sacrifice in the name of love. Wouldn't it make sense, in the understanding of the aforementioned mechanism, to want to give up certain things (i.e. own projections, let down some walls) that we might be attached to?

I guess we just gotta make sure we give up the right things... for the right relationships.

Random note: Definition of the term overstanding:

The state of mind that emerges when all illusions- those in the conscious and subconscious mind- are removed; the intellectual state free from mis/disinformation, propaganda, lies, and deception; a grasp of the whole truth; human beings' natural state of mind undisturbed by the ego.

All that being said, I would say that I'm willing (and able) to grow in love. I would still need to experience that initial spark of attraction, and for it to be reciprocal. That's the tricky part, the one no amount of rational thinking can provide. I need some magic

Well, anyway, thank you science for helping elucidate this crazy little thing called love. I wish we could collectively decide to focalize this abstract concept we call love, to better define love's multiple facets (Here's an interesting article titled ''The Ancient Greeks' 6 words for Love'') and give ourselves a chance for some radical changes. I don't know if it can be done.

In the meantime I'll keep trying to figure out that whole thing about how ''to feel a wholehearted yes toward another person''. Can I keep my heart open, and whole, in front of those who do not seek the same relationship? Should I? I tend to think I should, but then again it can be such a painful experience sometimes. Can I keep my heart open with those people I feel an attraction for, as well as with those who I do not particularly wish to engage deeply with? (What's the difference? There is one of course, but underneath it all...)