Arrived in India, Part 2

We've now arrived at our final destination. Five weeks to go, only one before my special lady friend joins me. I have one more week at the Subbody Butoh School and then Sara and I are taking on a 200-hour yoga teacher training. I feel so excited about it all!

My daily life is pretty simple. I get woken up by barking dogs and non-melodic birds (I have yet to find an India ornithologist who can tell me the name of this most annoying bird I hear all the time.) Getting out of bed, I step on the cold ceramic floor while making a conscious effort to remember: must not brush teeth with tap water. I then take a spoonful of this Ashwagandha paste I have discovered - more on this later - and prepare some green tea. Curtains open, I greet the Dhauladar every morning with a short series of Sun Salutations. Taking the time to loosen up and breathe in deeply, this morning ritual has been a real delight. 

Introducing the Dhauladar Mountain Range and one of its many pretty late afternoon dresses.

I evolve in a perimeter of about 40 square meters: apartment, this café where I am right now, and the Butoh school. I do not wander off too much without planning a bit, because it's impossible to get anywhere without calling it a trek. Hence this café, called Illiterati because the concept is that its walls are filled with books (yeah!), has pretty much become my general quarters. I come here every day for a good wifi connection and a cup of tea or a meal.

The only thing that never changes is change itself.

I have plenty of time before school starts, so most of the time I actually go there around 9am to breathe and stretch some more, and meditate a bit. Then it's morning session. This butoh training method, Subbody, is all about calming the mind in order to connect with the subconscious realm in which our body is our mind is our body. Mornings are dedicated to what they call ''conditioning''; it can be massage, spinal consciousness, walking meditation, or anything that will gently connect us with body-consciousness. Needless to say: I love it.

View from the upper studio.

Weeks go by very quickly. We mix self-exploration with group resonance session. I feel that my butoh is slowly expanding; or perhaps is just my mind quieting a bit more. No concepts, no politics, no pressure on myself, I am actually managing to mostly just remain curious.

The butoh we explore in this school is very much inspired by the work of Tatsumi Hijikata. It is hard but I keep what Rhizome Lee (our teacher) had written as the main guiding principle: butoh expands the notion of what a being human is/means. This quote, which comes from Hijikata himself, means that the work of butoh is to think outside the common notion of humanity to incorporate all the realms that make us: single-cell organisms, ancestors, natural elements, surrealist dreams, etc. This is what we dance, or rather, this is what we open ourselves up to be danced by.

I feel that I am starting to understand what butoh is. 

This being said, I know there is still - and probably will always remain - something alluding me... like... I'm not a fully-enlightened-by-cosmic-grace-dancer yet. ;)

On the weekends, I get out of my living perimeter and hike up to McLeod Ganj. The area, known as Little Lhasa, is home to a large population of Tibetans who have migrated to escape from Chinese oppression and to settle around the temple in exile of their political and spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama.

The streets there offer numerous shops with crafts, jewellery, singing bowls, restaurants, and so on. It's been filling up with an increasing number of tourists in recent years. You won't be surprised if I tell you I've been having mixed feeling about this. But then I'm on a journey to being softer with myself, so instead of feeding the politically critical chatter, I've actually surrendered to my love for beautiful shiny things!  

I've been trying to find out about the name of the artist(s)
behind these gorgeous murals.

In truth, I've noticed that I feel soooo good after spending a bit of time inside a small shop filled with gemstones and statues of Shiva. So, I've actually been thinking about starting a little import business myself! If beauty soothes me this much, it can certainly benefit others too. I've met this man who offered to take me to the people who make what he sells. Unfortunately, I won't have time to accept his invitation this time around. But if this idea keeps sprouting, I'll make sure to go to come back and go to Kashmir to meet these artisans. I could then feel honoured to be part of the chain that helps them make a living by distributing their creations.

Beauty surrounds indeed, but as you might know, India is a land of contrasts. So I'll finish this post with a few thousand words wrapped in a series of pictures. These photos cannot portray the level of uneasiness, not to say anger, or despair, that lurks to get to me at every turn. I could take hundreds of pictures like these. 

It was really hard to cope during my first week or two here. Now I guess I've adapted a bit to give my nervous system a break. Life adapts.

Waste disposal.

These streets are made out of...
motorcycles and trash...basically.

Anyone would like a murder for dinner?

Water : not to be taken for granted

But I shan't leave you with these sad images. I will bridge it all with a last shot which I took because I perceive a lot of beauty in decay. There is so much of it here... so much of Life.

''Things they come, and things they go. And that's one thing you oughta know.''

Je suis allée à la ''Church''...

Ce matin, je suis allée ''prier''.

Le réveil n'avait pas été facile. Ce mal de tête, qui avait débuté juste avant de me mettre au lit, persistait toujours. Notre nuit avait été interrompue par les cris d'une femme qui semblait un peu saoule : '' Hey! Dude! Where the fuck are you from?'' Il devait être minuit lorsqu'elle nous réveilla pour se mettre à gueuler ... à n'en plus finir.

Il nous fallait emballer la tente et tout le campement afin de quitter le site. Ma chérie nous prépara le petit déjeuner, et j'espérais qu'un peu de caféine saurait apaiser mon mal de tête. 
Première bouchée de toast au beurre de peanut : haut le coeur. ''Respire Ève, ne t'emballe pas. Sois positive... '' Et vlan! D'un geste maladroit je me suis renversé mon café dessus! ''Grrrrr'' Comme le disait si bien Alanis: ''And isn't it ironic?'' J'avais attendu ce dimanche matin (euh oui, j'écris à quelques jours de décalage) toute la semaine, et le jour finalement venu, mon corps et mon humeur ne sont pas du tout en état.  Mais qu'à cela ne tienne : je savais que je devais me rendre à la ''Church''. Qu'importe que je sois quinze minutes en retard... J'enfourche mon vélo, je prends conscience de la brise sur mon visage. Moment présent. Premier octobre.

Onze heure et quart donc, je franchie les portes et monte l'escalier menant à la salle de ''prières'' : bienvenue au Moving Center de Nelson!  J'enlève mes bottes et je souris. Sur le banc à côté de moi arrive un barbu rouquin d'une trentaine d'année, accompagné d'une enfant qui n'a pas encore deux ans. Suce au bec, elle grimpe sur son papa et attend qu'il ait retirer ses chaussures. Elle n'est pas du tout intimidée par l'environnement ; ce n'est pas sa première fois.

Je passe mettre des vêtements confortables et j'entre enfin dans le studio. L'endroit n'est pas très grand, mais il y a assez d'espace pour tout le monde. Il y a des femmes et des hommes de tous les âges, de tous les styles, de toutes les formes. La musique remplie déjà la salle. Au devant, un humble autel paré de quelques objets : du bois flotté, une statuette, quelques chandelles, et des cartes de tarot.

La plupart des participant-es sont au sol et s'étirent tranquillement ; d'autres sont déjà debout, certain-es méditent. Plusieurs ont les yeux fermés et prennent contact avec le rythme, avec leur rythme. Le papa roux et sa petite fille dansent à la fois ensemble mais séparément. Il bouge au sol et elle fait sa gymnastique sur son lui.  Je regarde ces enfants, jeunes filles et jeunes garçons de quatre à sept ans, et je me dis que c'est un merveilleux cadeau pour eux de partager cet espace avec leurs parents.

Il n'y a que quelques règles à suivre : 1) on ne parle pas, 2) on ne consomme pas d'alcool ou de drogue, 3) on se respecte, évidemment, 4) on DANSE.

Une heure et demie de pure liberté! Une heure et demie d'écoute et d'exploration. Si je veux faire de grands mouvements, si je veux ramper par terre, si je veux prendre une pause pour m'étirer ou juste respirer, si je veux laisser aller mes hanches ou faire du crumping ou marcher sur les mains, je le fais! Et chacun-e en fait autant! Chacun-e ses besoins et ses impulsions, chacun-e son amplitude et sa façon de vivre la musique.

C'est du bonheur pure! Impossible de réprimer mon sourire et ma joie. Sans mots, je croise des regards qui communiquent la même allégresse. Ça, pour moi, c'est la meilleure communauté de prière qui soit! Authenticité, respect et liberté pour une communion des plus guérissantes. That's why they call it Dance Church! (Et aussi, surtout, parce que c'est le dimanche matin.)

Comme c'est régulièrement le cas, j'observe que mes pensées vont du côté ... du partage.  Je me dois de l'admettre : j'aimerais tant contribuer à partager ce type d'expérience avec de plus en plus de personnes !

J'imagine une sorte de Dance Church à Gaspé. Je vous sais avoir besoin de danser aussi, mes ami-es! Et j'aimerais vous voir danser, parents vivants accompagnés de vos enfants vivants. Je n'ai aucune difficulté à le visualiser. Le paysage sur lequel donne la fenêtre du studio est pratiquement copie conforme: une impressionante montagne de forêt mixte, colorée. C'est simple, tout ce que ça prend c'est un système de son, un mix de musique qui nous emmène doucement sur une courbe rythmique progressive, et de la volonté.

C'est donc aussi ce mouvement que je souhaite explorer, appellons le ''Conscious Dance''. Est-ce que ça sonne mieux en anglais, ou c'est juste moi? Il en existe toutes sortes de types, la recherche ne fait que commencer.  Mais déjà pour moi il est clair que le butoh en fait partie autant que le 5 rythmes ou ma dernière découverte, le SoulMotion.  J'ai donc l'intention de continuer mon exploration et qui sait, peut-être aurons-nous la chance de partager un plancher sous peu... Je suis peut-être en train de trouver un fil conducteur, une façon de définir cette expérience qui me fait vibrer.

Amen!

Ps.  Je suis sincérement touchée que vous preniez le temps de me lire et de me répondre. J'aimerais vous encourager à m'écrire vos commentaire directement sur le blogue. Ça le fait vivre :)

Jungian élan

Pour arrêter de penser
Pour arrêter de penser à la violence, à l'hypocrisie, à l'injustice, à la guerre, à la torture, à la possibilité du Mal.
Aux cata-strophes.
Battante ou moine disciple de l'indicible? indécise.

Pour arrêter de penser.

Et pour rêver. Créer du rêve, et du lien, pour

 interrelier, intelliger, tisser des toiles

à l'envers du décor,

Décorer nos corps,
 qui encore et encore
se fracassent les uns contre les autres,
qui s'érrafles et s'évanouissent, qui s'éradiquent...
des tutsis, des hutus, des tibetains, des chinois, des roms, des palestiniens, des Catalans, des Mohawks, des Québécois, des ... ''nations'' partout qui se partagent... la panète, le territoire, et la tracent de frontières.

Je rêve d'une révolution qui détruirait les murs et les frontières fictives qui nous séparent.
Je rêve à des fois à l'évolution de notre espèce, par l'évolution de la conscience. Une sorte de boost, de reset, de re-synthonisation ou de re-synchronisation. Ou du moins tendre vers une meilleure harmonie. C'est pas une utopie l'harmonie, merde!
Je comprends le rêve collectif d'une Unitié mythique, d'Ur à Monte Albàn en passant par Shambala et Jerusalem. La cité, avant qu'elle ne devienne contaminée par les marchands et les étrangers, par le bazaar des barbares.

Pointée vers l'origines, c'est bien. 

Un tout. Du tout au tout se tourner sur l'origine. L'arché. Le moyeu. La roue.

Psychologie Jungienne.

Revenir vers nos mères, revenir à la Terre. 

Retrouver l'âme des choses, 

anima et animus, 

comme en mythologie.

Conscience collective.

Je veux vous parler de conscience collective, de poésie, et de soirées comme celles-ci
Diseurs de mots, nouveaux griots
Amants de la langue, maîtresse du flots.
À coups de grandes geules, pour dénoncer les failles et les maux, les douleurs, les espoirs,
à coups de grands mots,
aux grands moyens,

En descente vers le plus profond noir hivernal, en chûte libre, de glace, figés là sur la place, publique, voie publique, vois!
Vois! Public.
Public... avisé ou assujetis?
Victimes de la psychologie vampirisée par le capitalisme sauvage?

Being and doing (Doo-be-do, bee-do)

I get back to work in one week.

It's the end of the summer; and what a summer.
From one angle: Swaying between being and doing... What to do? What to make? What to buy? And why not just... slow down and stop!?

Because stopping kinda makes me dizzy. 'Cuz as Hiroko Tamano (Subterrean Arthouse, Berkeley) says: ''When you stop, then you start moving at a thousand miles per hour.''
And Google agrees with teacher Tamano:

''The earth rotates once every 23 hours, 56 minutes and 4.09053 seconds, called the sidereal period, and its circumference is roughly 40,075 kilometers. Thus, the surface of the earth at the equator moves at a speed of 460 meters per second--or roughly 1,000 miles per hour.''   -Google

“Stop acting so small. You are the universe in ecstatic motion.”
― Rumi

Complete liberty! (which is different than absolute freedom, by the way.)  
A whole lot of free time! (At least as long as I have money in the bank.)
As I anticipated, I've felt it somewhat compulsory to ''furnish'' the time-space I live in. I really wanted to do nothing. But I guess the mind did not quite surrender so easily. I guess I can't handle an empty room; there's always writing on the walls. That's what happens when you get a taste of mindfulness: the mind is so full!

I seek balance between doing and being. I take care of small actions that need to be done, like taking out the compost bin or trimming and watering the tomato plants. I dance a lot and I juggle; I so need to move the energy through my body. I haven't learned to contain the impressions the world make on me; I need to find appropriate ways to ex-press them. And when I stop moving my body, it's my thoughts that keep running. Observing the chatter in your mind will make you dizzy. Finding that you're quite powerless when you want to make it stop, that's a lesson in humility. Recognizing that trying to control or fight the stream actually gives the chattering mind even more power, that could lead to revolution.

...

Stopping to face a pregnant void. A distorted time-space of some sort. A plane of immanence. Matrix of potentialities, in which all things get revealed. And many demand to be made into manifestation; to be manifested.

(It's is a beautiful word;

man·i·fes·ta·tionˌ manəfəˈstāSHən,

noun

Event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something, especially a theory or an abstract idea.

"the first obvious manifestations of global warming"

• the action or fact of showing an abstract idea. "the manifestation of anxiety over the upcoming exams"

• a symptom or sign of an ailment. "a characteristic manifestation of Lyme disease"

''And I think to myself''... 'Am I manifesting anything'? What am I really doing with the time given me? Or should I ask myself about what I should be doing? What? No! The teachers have told us, 'There are no more shoulds', at least not in this case.
I should be doin' just what I'm doin' right now, conversing with my heart, grounded in cyberspace, spinning a thousand miles, per minute.
Just that. Living a blessed life. Doing what I love.

I'm sorry, I didn't get the credits for these three images. I give all credits to their authors et cetera.

“Dance, when you're broken open. Dance, if you've torn the bandage off. Dance in the middle of the fighting. Dance in your blood. Dance when you're perfectly free.”
― Rumi

“silence is the language of god,
all else is poor translation.”
― Rumi

Rick Tarnas and Stan Grof

This is an article from RealitySandwich.com. I wanted to copy it here as a memo to myself, and as as way to expose you to this unusual yet absolutely compelling work. Stan Grof and Rick Tarnas were two teachers of mine at the California Institute of Integral Studies, in SF. 

I've been renewing with astrology lately. These were the people that introduced me to it.

Thank you teachers. 

Stanislav Grof and Richard Tarnas: The Birth of a New Worldview

---

The following is excerpted from Pathways to Wholness: Archetypal Astrology and the Transpersonal Journey, published by Muswell Hill Press. 

Breakthrough in Europe
In the mid-1960s, Stanislav Grof, a young Czechoslovakian psychiatrist working at the Psychiatric Research Institute in Prague, made some extraordinary discoveries concerning the fundamental structures of the human psyche. Conducting sessions with a wide range of individuals in a program of systematic LSD psychotherapy, Grof and his clients encountered experiences that gradually and then irrevocably challenged the orthodox Freudian model in which he and his colleagues were working.
The experiences that emerged during these sessions suggested a far deeper understanding of the human psyche and the cosmos itself than had been previously imagined in any existing psychological theory. After supervising over 3000 sessions and studying the records of another 2000 from colleagues around the world, Grof eventually introduced a far-reaching new model that accounted for the observations of his clients’ sessions, integrated a number of other psychological theories, and reached into areas of human spirituality described by the great mystical traditions of the world.

Grof’s research, although representing a dramatic breakthrough in Western psychiatry and psychology, is supported by many precedents in non-Western and preindustrial societies. Since the dawn of history, guided non-ordinary states of consciousness have played a central role in the spiritual and ritual life of humanity. Stretching back more than 30,000 years, the shamans of ancient cultures began their healing professions through a spontaneous or induced experience of death and rebirth. In a firsthand way, they explored territories of the psyche that transcend the boundaries of normal individual awareness. Similarly, in the rites of passage, initiates were guided into non-ordinary—or what Grof has termed holotropic (from holos, meaning “wholeness”; and trepein, meaning “moving toward”)— states of consciousness and had a personal experience of higher realms that transcend the physical world.

In the ancient mystery religions of the Mediterranean, neophytes participated in various mind-expanding processes in order to move beyond the limits of individual awareness and experience directly the sacred or numinous dimensions of existence. The celebrated Mother Goddess mysteries of Eleusis, for example, which were held near Athens for almost two thousand years, we are now virtually certain used ergot, a naturally occurring form of LSD.1 Many of the creative and intellectual giants of Western culture, including figures such as Pythagoras, Plato, Aristotle, Epictetus, Euripedes, Sophocles, Plutarch, Pindar, Marcus Aurelius, and Cicero, all attest to the life-changing power of their experiences at Eleusis or one of the other mystery sites.

As well as the ritual use of psychedelic substances, many cultures have used methods such as trance dancing, rhythmic drumming, sensory overload and sensory deprivation, sleep deprivation, breathing maneuvers, fasting, meditation, and other techniques to enter holotropic states. Preindustrial cultures around the world understood an important fact of human nature that we in the modern West have forgotten—that exploring the psyche can mediate a profound reconnection with the cosmic creative principle, helping people to heal a range of emotional and physical problems, transcend their fear of death, and reach a more integrated level of functioning in everyday life.

Modern consciousness research, such as that conducted by Grof, has found that individuals who undergo these transformative processes automatically develop an interest in spirituality of a universal, non-sectarian, and all-encompassing nature. They also discover within themselves a sense of planetary citizenship, a high importance given to warm human relationships, and the desire to live a more simple and satisfying life in harmony with nature and ecological values.
The considerable time and resources that other cultures devoted to finding effective techniques for exploring the inner terrains of the psyche is in marked contrast to the values in our modern industrial society. The dominant world view in Western civilization is concerned primarily with the external and physical layers of reality. In many ways it denies the existence of the human psyche altogether, and especially of higher spiritual or transpersonal states.
Grof’s research thus provides an unexpected gateway to a deeper knowledge of the long-neglected inner world. As we will see, the systematic exploration of the unconscious in holotropic states can initiate a profound transformation of awareness—a transformation that many now believe is urgently needed if we are to face and successfully overcome the great problems of our time. However, the journey into the heart of the psyche can be an immensely challenging process, exposing individuals to the depths and heights of human emotional experience. A map of the inner terrain, a way of understanding and predicting what might take place during holotropic-exploration sessions, would therefore be of invaluable benefit.

An Unexpected Rosetta Stone
For years, Grof and his colleagues had looked unsuccessfully for some kind of diagnostic system—such as the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory test (MMPI), Shostrom’s Personal Orientation Inventory (POI), the Rorschach Inkblot Test, and others—to predict the experiences of their clients in deep self-exploration. Decades later, when the cultural historian Richard Tarnas discovered and systematically applied what Grof would later call the “Rosetta Stone” of archetypal astrology to this problem, Grof had to ironically concede that the one successful predictive technique turned out to be a system that was even more controversial and beyond the range of conventional science than his research in psychedelic therapy. Despite their deep initial skepticism toward astrology, however, the correlations that he and Tarnas observed were striking and consistent over time. Whether the catalyst was Holotropic Breathwork, a psychoactive substance, or a spontaneous eruption of unconscious contents during a psychospiritual crisis, archetypal astrology provides, in Grof’s words, “the only system that can successfully predict both the content and timing of experiences encountered in non-ordinary states of consciousness in experiential psychotherapy.”2

Given the widespread misunderstanding of and skepticism toward astrology in the modern era, a brief preface is required before we proceed. Although many of the founders of modern science—notably Johannes Kepler and Galileo Galilei—retained a deep belief in the principles as well as the practice of astrology, and of a higher cosmic intelligence or God, subsequent generations would later discard this understanding as the relic of an older time. Although the astrological vision became deeply discredited in the modern scientific West, the world view underlying it maintained credibility and continued to flourish in the philosophical movements of late Neoplatonism, Idealism, and Romanticism, in a direct lineage from Socrates and Plato.

This situation began to change in the mid-twentieth century, however, with the work of the pioneering psychiatrist C. G. Jung. Jung’s discovery of the archetypes of the collective unconscious, his formulation of synchronicity (“an acausal connecting principle”), and his speculations concerning the anima mundi (world soul) provided a conceptual framework for the mature rebirth of a more psychologically oriented and nuanced form of astrology. Brought to fruition through the writing of figures such as Dane Rudhyar, Robert Hand, and Liz Greene, this new approach drew on the insights of Jungian depth psychology while leaving behind many of the fatalistic dogmas of the old astrological tradition. Hand’s work also set the stage for a much more rigorously self-critical and self-questioning discipline.

Then Grof’s friendship and collaboration with Tarnas was to initiate another major leap in the field. A highly respected philosopher and psychologist, as well as historian, Tarnas gained international acclaim with his best-selling The Passion of the Western Mind (1991), which went on to become required reading in a number of university courses around the world. He followed this in 2006 with Cosmos and Psyche, in which he presented over five-hundred pages of systematic and compelling evidence to support his groundbreaking theory.

Tarnas begins by introducing the concept of archetypes that has played such an important role in the Western philosophical tradition. For now, we can describe the archetypes simply as primordial patterns of experience, which influence all people and cultures in the form of basic habit patterns, instincts and emotions. In Cosmos and Psyche’s bold hypothesis, Tarnas suggests that the dynamic interplay of these timeless universals that have shaped our history occurs in coincidence with geometric alignments between the planets and the Earth, intelligible through an emerging epistemology and method of analysis which he calls archetypal astrology.

In contrast with traditional astrological belief and practice, the archetypal approach that Tarnas introduces is non-fatalistic and non-deterministic. The archetypes are recognized at all times as being complexly multivalent and multidimensional—taking different forms in different situations and at different times in people’s lives. Each archetypal complex can manifest in a wide range of possible expressions, while still being true to its basic thematic character. Tarnas carefully demonstrates that the methodology he presents is archetypally predictive rather than concretely predictive. Although planetary alignments can illuminate many essential characteristics of an historical epoch or individual life experience, and even suggest basic expected characteristics of an upcoming period, he emphasizes that the specific concrete expression the archetypes will take at any time remains indeterminate—contingent on additional factors such as cultural context, free will, co-creative participation, and perhaps unmeasurables such as karma, grace, and chance.

It should be acknowledged that many of the fundamental tenets of the emerging archetypal world view concerning the nature of the human psyche and of the universe itself are compatible with the most recent branches of modern science, including quantum-relativistic physics, Pribram’s holographic model of the brain, Sheldrake’s study of morphogenetic fields and morphic resonance in biology, Prigogine’s study of dissipative structures, systems theory, chaos theory, cybernetics and information theory, the anthropic principle in astrophysics, and others.

Grof also mentions the pioneering attempts of Ken Wilber and the successful accomplishment of Ervin Laszlo in integrating transpersonal psychology into a new comprehensive paradigm.6 I would further note Keiron Le Grice’s work in The Archetypal Cosmos, which draws on the implications of Tarnas’ research and integrates many of the new scientific theories in direct support of an archetypal or holotropic world view.7 Perhaps the most concise way to describe this emerging paradigm in science is the realization that consciousness, rather than being an accidental by-product of neurophysiological and biochemical processes in the brain, is an integral component of the universe itself.

The most well-known area of Tarnas’ study to most readers has been his exploration of cyclically unfolding archetypal dynamics in human history and culture, deeply informed by the principles of Jungian and transpersonal depth psychology. A less widely known aspect of his inquiry, and the area on which this book concentrates, is based on his research with Grof into holotropic states of consciousness. In 1990, I proposed the term holotropic astrology to describe this facet of Tarnas’ research that is specifically concerned with holotropic states.

Tarnas refers to astrology as a kind of “archetypal telescope” directed on the psyche, a way of understanding and contextualizing the material that emerges in deep self-exploration. Grof similarly concludes that the role of holotropic and psychedelic states of consciousness in psychology is comparable to that of the microscope in biology and the telescope in astronomy. When responsibly combined, the therapeutic effectiveness of these powerful magnifying processes of the psyche cannot be overstated. During my own three decades of research with workshops, consultations and personal experience, I have come to believe that archetypal astrology and holotropic exploration have the potential to revolutionize humanity’s relationship with its deeper nature and help us to rediscover a more harmonious relationship with each other, the natural world, and the larger cosmos.

Perfect Love

Tonight I opened one of my old books randomly, called Perfect love, Imperfect relationships. I read something about love being like the sun (yes, I do feel it this way) and how ''the sun's warmth makes clouds by prompting the earth to release its moisture'' in the same way that love makes our wounding and our fears arise... which often veil the presence love.
Yes, I know that.
Furthermore,
 ''Our ability to feel a wholehearted yes toward another person fluctuates with the changing circumstances of each moment.''

I feel it and ponder it every day. I love to muse over relationships as mirrors. I do love love. But I also want to be ''careful''.

I'm not exactly cynical. I see the phenomenon called ''falling in love'' as a mechanism, basically. Not a machine, more like a process. There's attraction, projection and chemistry. There's timing. There are needs, some of them conscious and others not. There will generally be some pushing and pulling.
But if the two fall at the same time, we'll have what I like to think of as the crucible.

Though the crucible doesn't actually necessitate commitment between two lovers ( though someone could very well notice their attractions, and observe their projections in order to bring more consciousness onto their individual patterns and yearnings.
 It's deeply... transformational, when two individuals can and do commit to the relationship. This will happen through the wounds and fears, and other ''trigger points''. This pushing of each other's buttons may lead to fighting, or to freezing/numbing, or to... fucking (the 3 Fs).
To the extent that a partnership is consciously worked with,  what we loosely call love can be an excellent opportunity to grow as a human being. I think this is marvelous!

So you see, I'm not cynical. It's just that I've read on the matter quite a lot, and, well... I've gone through the crucible too. I now feel more rational about relationships and about the process of love. I'd like for everyone to have it clear once and for all: attraction, infatuation and love aren't the same thing at all. When I speak of love in the context of a romance or partnership, I'm talking about the type of love you have to learn, together.

I also know Love as that light that shine above and through it all. Some sort of Agape. In fact, I'm very much caught up in the two forms and I realize I sometimes have a bit of a hard time distinguishing between the two. I love certain people with all my soul. I feel connected to their soul and I love them profoundly and unconditionally. Sometimes, however, I guess my personal story creeps in a bit. 

Sankai Juku

This story has to do with going to war for love. Whether it is agape or eros, I find myself being called to sacrifice in the name of love. Wouldn't it make sense, in the understanding of the aforementioned mechanism, to want to give up certain things (i.e. own projections, let down some walls) that we might be attached to?

I guess we just gotta make sure we give up the right things... for the right relationships.

Random note: Definition of the term overstanding:

The state of mind that emerges when all illusions- those in the conscious and subconscious mind- are removed; the intellectual state free from mis/disinformation, propaganda, lies, and deception; a grasp of the whole truth; human beings' natural state of mind undisturbed by the ego.

All that being said, I would say that I'm willing (and able) to grow in love. I would still need to experience that initial spark of attraction, and for it to be reciprocal. That's the tricky part, the one no amount of rational thinking can provide. I need some magic

Well, anyway, thank you science for helping elucidate this crazy little thing called love. I wish we could collectively decide to focalize this abstract concept we call love, to better define love's multiple facets (Here's an interesting article titled ''The Ancient Greeks' 6 words for Love'') and give ourselves a chance for some radical changes. I don't know if it can be done.

In the meantime I'll keep trying to figure out that whole thing about how ''to feel a wholehearted yes toward another person''. Can I keep my heart open, and whole, in front of those who do not seek the same relationship? Should I? I tend to think I should, but then again it can be such a painful experience sometimes. Can I keep my heart open with those people I feel an attraction for, as well as with those who I do not particularly wish to engage deeply with? (What's the difference? There is one of course, but underneath it all...)

Puisque tout est politique.

Un texte pouvant peut-être sembler un peu décousu.
C'est que le fil est transparent.
N'hésitez pas à commenter!

Une amie me racontait: ''Pour moi tout est politique.  Des fois... ça devient un peu fatiguant.''

Je me dis, en effet:
J'aimerais, par exemple, savoir comment prendre le temps
de prendre soins de jeunes plantes

Parce que 1) prendre le temps est un geste radical, à contre-courant du mode compétitif effréné dans lequel se vautre notre culture économique; et parce que  2) prendre soins est un geste radical et trop peu valorisé: ça ne fait pas partie du PIB!
S'appliquer, s'engager, s'efforcer à faire émerger la vie, à fournir la juste dose de tout ce qu'il faut pour que prennent racines: c'est radical. Imaginer une production alimentaire significative à même nos milieux urbain, faire respirer la cité-bitume, semer sur les toits de nos appartements, dans les craques des trottoirs, dans nos bacs à double-fond et nos jardins grimpants...
Ça requiert tout un engagement.

Cultiver.

Naturer.

Arrêtons de prétendre que nous ne comprenons pas ce qui nous arrive. Certes, encore aujourd'hui, tous les angles ne sont pas visibles.  Mais ne pourraient-on pas rendre compte de ce qu'on a appris et de ce qu'on continue d'apprendre? Je continue de croire qu'il nous faut créer des espaces dans lesquels on se permettrait d'explorer, c'est-à-dire de ressentir, les sentiments qui se rattachent à l'Histoire.

Reconnaître notre ignorance et notre vulnérabilité en tant qu'espèce. Intégrer ce que nous avons appris depuis Nietzsche, Freud, Fromm, etc. Célébrer le chemin parcouru. Considérer les motivations psychologiques derrière la tendance réactionnaire et la puissance grégaire. Expliciter le phénomène et se donner les outils pour ne plus commettre de telles violences.  Car c'est nous-même qu'on continue de mutiler.



Des outils comme le discours critique, ou comme la compassion! Nous sommes en train d'apprendre à nous émanciper.  Nous y oeuvrons maladroitement depuis 2500 ans (avénement de la philosophie occidentale. Le processus émancipatoire tient sans doute de bien plus loin...) L'apprentissage est là, étape par étape.

Ce qui me fait penser... aux Lumières!


Par exemple, pourquoi ne pas outrepasser la philosophie des Lumières? Questionner le libéralisme, la science moderne, le capitalisme industriel... l'État!  La philosophie des Lumières, ce n'était pas l'aboutissement de l'histoire, la ligne d'arrivée!  Pourquoi ais-je l'impression que ''la société en générale'' en est demeurée avec les idôles de ce temps? ''Liberté, raison, ... égalité''.  Le culte de l'individu et de sa supposée raison!  Démocratie?  ''Droit fondamental''?  Pourrait-on seulement continuer de porter une pensée critique sur ces Idées ?

Je ne suis pas la première à dire vouloir rappeler le lien qu'il existe entre l'État moderne et nos pires cauchemars: holocauste, hiroshima, génocide au Rwanda, corruption, violence policière, etc.  La justice et la liberté n'existent qu'en Idée. C'est autre chose qu'on choisit, il faut arrêter de se leurrer.  J'appellerais ça le Sentiment de Sécurité?

On le voit bien qu'il faut questionner!  On le sent, et c'est pour ça qu'on s'entre-mêle dans des tirades émotives et des rassemblements de peuple - tant de phénomènes que nous le savons voués à nous faire perdre la raison.

Rassemblons-nous alors!  Je sais que plusieurs philosophes contemporains sont derrière moi, entre autre parce pour ce qu'ils ont influencé ma vision du monde : Le sauvage, le non-ordre, le courant libre et créatif.. tout ça se doit d'avoir une place dans nos vies!
C'est dommage que la société québécoise du spectacle ait co-opté tout ça.



Le carnaval existait bien longtemps avant le cirque du soleil, le festival de Jazz de Montréal. Le carnaval existait avant Jésus-Christ, avant les Romains, avant Gilgamesh! Peut-être parce que l'être humain a bel et bien besoin de ces rites (de purification?), de cette intoxications, de cet ex-stasie (hors d'état).  C'est nécessaire, pour l'équilibre des choses.

Il y a une charge, une énergie, qui coure et constitue le flot des choses.  On ne perçoit que les presq'équilibres; on n'en sent que la tension, que la réverbération d'un mouvement minuscule qui devient séisme dès qu'on arrête de se tenir occupé.

Pourquoi, à quoi résister?
Quand on s'arrête de bouger, le cosmos lui tourne encore.
Résister au changement? Résister au status quo?
Les deux forment un tout.
(Y aurait-il un tierce élément à considérer?)

Bref.

Notre sensibilité est palpable.

Alors pourquoi nier?  Pourquoi tout enfouir?  Nos déchets et nos échecs, notre incapacité à gérer l'affaire. Les dépotoirs comme l'ombre de nos Lumières. Du matériel inconfortable à gérer, dont on préfère rester inconscient. Un barrage mental - qui a servi sa fonction - prêt à exploser.

''Je ne pense pas que je sois si politisée que ça''.
Mon amie était surprise.
 - ''Toi? Une fille qui étudie et qui va enseigner la science politique... et qui n'est pas politique!...Ah!''
On a bien rit.

Les cégeps existent depuis 46 ans.
Avant, la grande majorité des francophones du Québec
ne poursuivaient pas d'études au-delà du secondaire. Qu'est-ce qu'on a appris ?

Bien sûr que je suis politique.  Comme toi, je vois un système et je suis curieuse de le comprendre. C'est seulement qu'il y a quelques années j'ai aussi compris que mon intellect et mes efforts de logique servent d'abord à apaiser un feeling.  Je ne suis pas la seule.  Il faut en parler.

Tout est politique.

Alors je choisis de vivre en communauté et de chercher à définir le sens du terme, de créer des espaces de croissance et d'émancipation, d'enrichissement et de résilience.

Qu'il est sublime de voir un plant de haricots spiralé son chemin vers la lumière!

La fin d'un Monde

C'est la veille de la fin du monde et je me sens bien.  J'habite dans un coeur battant.
Un nouveau monde commence demain.  À travers les tueries, la souffrance, les guerres, l'esclavage... en chute libre au creux d'un futur qu'on dit ne pas pouvoir connaître d'avance.
Sauf que le problème, c'est que le futur n'existe pas.  Et en même temps, il existe aussi: c'est nous qui le créons.  Le future, le telos, c'est une projection de l'esprit humain.

C'est la veille de la fin d'une histoire.  La veille du solstice de 2012.  Le temps et l'espace s'apprêtent à prendre une nouvelle dimension.

Mon présent est vraiment merveilleux, because I come home to an open heart: a open home.   Parce que c'est pratiquement ''un open house'' ici, for our friends, visitors, family, friends of friends, etc.  We are seven and satellites, a kind of nucleus for nomads particles to find a home, for an instant.
We leave or heart open, so we learn from each other.
Three languages, four including music.  Cooking.  Building.  Sharing.  Growing seeds and sprouts and picking up the excesses from the capitalists' dumpsters.  Trying to live radically: trying to live from our roots.  Though we all come from elsewhere, from another part of the world.

Moi, fille d'ancêtres quelconques, de colons Français immigrant dans un nouveau Pays.  Et je me demande: Qu'elle était leur relation avec ceux qui habitaient sur ces terres?
Ils sont venu s'y établir, les Européens; ils sont chercher des richesses, développer des marchés, puis coloniser, cultiver, et évangéliser... Ils sont venus raconter leurs histoires d'un futur meilleur...

Meilleur que quoi?  Meilleur pour qui?

Eux qui perdirent leurs mythologies d'éternel retour des choses se mirent éventuellement à adopter de nouveaux mythes... des mythes de: progrès.  Une ouverture est créée.  C'est demain qu'il faut viser.  Demain, il y aura plus, plus de grain, plus de surplus, plus de sécurité ...

Nous avons si peur de la disette, de la pénurie.
Nous avons appris à focaliser un supposé état de manque.
Ceux qui détiennent les moyens d'exploitation, de transformation, et de distribution de nos ressources se rient bien de nous voir perdre nos moyens, de travailler comme des imbéciles et de courir contre la montre pendant qu'eux amassent les richesses en évitant de mettre l'épaule à la Roue (de la Vie)...
(Nous produisons beaucoup désormais.  Il y en aurait surement pour tout le monde.)

Au fond,
La Vie et la Mort son comme le pouls d'un temps infiniment profond.  Nos petits ''je'' ne font que passer dans la grande parade de l'Histoire, et encore plus dans celle du Temps...

Considérons...

- 408 million years ago, the first amphibians ''appear'' on Earth - planet Earth, that is; where we live today - the first insects, and the first spiders from the Silurian period and bring about what we apparently label the ''Devonian period", which is of course part of the Canbraic Era.

Then, 

All through this time the earth was changing. 
In the Triassic period, all the continents were joined together in one huge landmass. Climate was hot and dry but with rain seasons. The first tree ferns and coniferous trees were starting to appear. 

In the Jurassic period the climate changed as the huge continent was breaking up. There were now forests of cycads, conifers and gingko, all plants that still exist today. 

In the Cretaceous period (that's: 144 million years ago), the continents had separated and each had its own flora and fauna. However, Australia and Antarctica were still joined together. There were now flowering plants such as magnolias and waterlilies.

The first cell with a nucleus?  2.100.000.000 years ago.
Homo Erectus: 2, 500, 000 years ago.  

And then, barely two million years later, two MILLION years, homo sapiens emerges and begins to sapiens itself: a new form of self-consciousness develops...

Neolithic humans developed agriculture 8,000 years ago.

Two millennia ago, a Son of Man claimed himself Son of God.  King of a non-Earthly Kingdom, where there would be no wars, no slavery, no injustice.  Jesus was the awaited savior a of people without land, the one who would die and live again to purge the world of its darkness.  The Sun of God, the one who would live and die to bring us Light, just like old god Dionysos. 

Before that, at about 2,500 years ago, it was the son of an aristocratic man from the metropolis of Athens, a man named Plato,who laid the foundation of Western Philosophy and Ethics.  He told us of the man Socrates, who taught citizens how and why to think for themselves...

In this geological perspective, what is 2013?

What is December 21, 2012?
The astronomical calculations of the indigenous people of Mesoamerica.  A long cycle is ending: one Baktun of some 394.26 years, a cycle which is itself but a fraction of a bigger cycle that is also ending...
I heard about special cosmic phenomena that would apparently be taking place, like:

The supposed prediction of an astronomical conjunction of the black hole at the center of the Milky Way galaxy with the winter solstice Sun on December 21, 2012, referred to by Jenkins in Maya Cosmogenesis 2012: The True Meaning of the Maya Calendar End-Date (1998)

Is there really a black hole at the center of the Milky Way !!?

The Milky Way?  Can we really see that far outside of ourselves !?  Historically as well as cosmically, why deny it: we are so small.  Are we thus also insignificant?
Peut-on vraiment voir aussi loin à extérieur de nous-même?  Historiquement et astronomiquement parlant, pourquoi le nier: nous sommes tellement petits.  Mais alors, sommes nous pour autant insignifiants?

Voilà ce que j'en comprends.
Demain, je prendrai le temps d'écouter la souffrance de mes contemporains.  Je sais que je vais aussi ressentir la souffrance de notre Terre Mère, les guerres de nos pères, les peurs de nos frères et soeurs.  Je ressentirai l'Histoire, la pre-Histoire, le Temps Profond.  Je m'émerveillerai aussi certainement avec une dose d'ambivalence et une fascination intarissable, de voir nos constructions, notre architectures, nos organisations, si imparfaites.  Je m'émerveillerai d'être sapiens sapiens, de pouvoir être témoin de tout ça: le temps, l'espace.  Je serai reconnaissante, de pouvoir ressentir un flocon de neige sur ma peau, de pouvoir concevoir et admirer son unicité, son éphémérité...

Apoca-postmod-idiosyncratisme... et Jean Gebser

Just do it.
Write it down.  It doesn't matter if it makes no sense at first.  Eventually, it will.
Because I feel it in my being.
Visions that come from instincts.  Now I want to use conscious projection, now that I have come to see it clearly: The world is made up of psychic projections.  Call it Maya, or the Veil.  And that's what I mean when I say I want to talk about: the Apocalypse.  (Okay I admit, I don't actually say that often. But in my head I do.)  For,

An apocalypse (Ancient Greek: ἀποκάλυψις apocálypsis, from ἀπό and καλύπτω meaning 'un-covering'), translated literally from Greek refers to a revelation of something hidden, although this sense did not enter English until the 14th century.^[1] In religious contexts it is usually a revelation of hidden meaning - hidden from human knowledge in an era dominated by falsehood and misconception.

Isn't it time we lift the Veil of ignorance, together, so as to acknowledge how we've been going down a path of falsehood and lies, which seems to be leading us towards catastrophic times?  Isn't time we dare to recognize the impact of our behaviors?  Modern man has prided himself on the capacity to use logic and lay out the laws of cause and effect.  Modern man has gone too far in wanting to use these sciences in order to control the world, for his own ends.  Modern man doesn't have control...

But do not despair!  For ''post-modernity'' has been formulating responses!  Tadam!  Thanks to Nietzsche, Freud, Jung, Einstein, Derrida, Heisenberg, etc.  (Some womyn in there ??)

If all that is human is projection, if God is finally dead (thank God!) and humanistic morality has showed itself to be but another unsatisfying panacea against the depth of our existential guilt and anxiety,  if relativism today gets thrown around by social and natural scientists alike... what can postmodernism give us?


I have picked up Jean Gebser's book ''The Ever-Present Origin'' again.  I'd started reading it two or three years ago but had lost momentum (this is one thick and dense piece of philosophical work!); today, the timing feels just right...

Structures of consciousness: archaic, magic, mythical, mental... integral.
I won't get into all of this right now, but my idea was to try and put some of the myriad of concepts and intuitions in ''order''.  (How faithful to the mental's obsession with ''dividing and conquering''!)

So as a point of departure, let's sample a few quotes:

It is of fundamental importance that we clearly distinguish between ''irrational'' and ''arational,'' for this distinction lies at the very heart of our deliberations.  Arationality has nothing to do with irrationality; their only connection exists in the fact that a rationality is not possible without irrationality, or far that matter without the pre-rational or the rational.

Wow.  I was just thinking about this recently!! Well, that's what I was coming closer to express, though my thinking was incomplete.  I was pondering the anti-rationalist stance I seem to have gradually adopted over the last decade.  How can I become a CÉGEP philosophy teacher (I'm about to go back to school and get some teaching tools and credentials) when I can also picture myself writing a Ph.D dissertation on the topic of wildness and the necessity to overcome and transcend rational thinking?!  Would that make me a hypocrite?

Gebser says it so well.  It's time we integrate all structures of consciousness.

Furthermore addressing my conundrum and the fear I have about teaching, he writes:

Two difficulties present themselves in these deliberations with which we must contend.  The first is inherent in the demand of any treatise for a sequential presentation, which is necessarily contrary to the simultaneity of an integral mode.

Believe it or not, this actually speaks to what I was telling my mom, just last week!
''I don't know if I can be a good teacher,'' I was admitting to her, ''because I don't consider myself very eloquent when it comes down to conveying the knowledge I'd like to share.''  She said she thought I'd be a great teacher, on the contrary.  ''I don't know.  I feel disillusioned and borderline resentful towards half the curriculum, and whatever I am passionate about, I have such a hard time verbalizing in a clear, concise, and linear fashion!  I feel like a webpage with dozens of hyperlinks: I want to open them all, enter in every concept, explore all angles and all directions so as to really get the whole picture!''

My mother laughed.  I felt that she understood and it felt good.

No doubt I could keep this blog entry unfold to great lengths.  I mean, I didn't even get to explore my first idea in sitting down to write a blog today!  I wanted to reflect a bit on Gebser, but I also wanted to explore the intuition I've been having, that my addiction to food (it's so intense these days!! Compulsion galore!) could have something to do with the shift we-I are going through.

Making loose parallels between the fast burning, highly concentrated energy which is characteristics of fossil-fuels consumption (along with their long-term consequences), and the energy resources I am fueling my own body with: carbohydrates and simple sugars.  Isn't there a parallel there?

Immediate gratification versus health.  Why can't I stop reaching for breads and sugars, when I am perfectly well aware that it is not good for me?!  I call this an addiction.

The good thing about this is that I get to belong and remain part of the collective.  (Belonging is a vital and primary need.)  Observing my addictive behavior fills me with empathy for all the addictive behaviors everyone is grappling with.
The ecological crisis is a question of addiction.

Oh! There's got to be a thread linking the contents of this entry... the apocalypse, postmodernism, Jean Gebser's genius work, and my idiosyncratic challenges and ways of making sense of them...

The thread?  Consciousness.

''Zwarte Piet is Racist''

Mardi midi, la table de cuisine.  (This blog is mostly in English, but I've decided to let my mind freeflow a bit) 
Four roommates se rencontrent dans la cuisine. En général, j'aime bien prendre mon déjeuner toute seule dans le silence de mon réveil graduel, mais je n'aurai pas ce plaisir aujourd'hui: ce midi, les esprits sont déjà un peu échauffés.
C, F, et M, are respectively attending to their morning rituals: F is eating her bowl of roasted veggies, quinoa, tef, and yogurt (!); C. is doing some dishes (thanks, C.), and M. is reading the news of the day... on Facebook.  
Today is élection day in the US of A. Who will it be?

Meanwhile, in Amsterdam, there is an increasing number of tents being set up in public squares.  
''As in Occupy?'' I ask.  
''No,'' responds M., ''they are immigrants who can't go back home, who set up camp in the city.''
''Like in Paris, or Bruxelles'', interjects a fifth roommate walking by.
Europe trying to deal.  
M. is indignated.  She's pumped up, gesticulating in front of her computer screen, sharing her indignation and her rage, hoping to reach to us and make us react to all this injustice.
  
But I'm not particularly in a mood for the news.  I don't really wanna hear about the state of the world right now. I was all about activist angst during my years in college, and somehow I now need to focus on compassion and historical relativity.

C. and I start joking:

''It's the end of the world... as we know it....'' I sing. 

'' ... and I feel fine...'' , 

What a weird thing to say.  Of course I don't feel fine.  But I've develop quite a dark sarcastic sense of humor that helps me cope with it all. 

M. then tells us about 'Swarte Piet', a dutch - and also belgian - holiday tradition which is rooted in folklore and continues to this day, celebrated by all.
Swarte Piet, is an kind of elf who accompanies Sinterklaas (Santa Claus).  Typically, there is ten of them; they run the street, acting playfully and mischievously.  They punish bad behaving children and distribute candy to the deserving ones.  They bring mixed feelings of fear and merry!
Swarte Piet is cherished tradition.  Swarte Piet... is a bunch of white people dressed up in black faces! 

White people putting on black face paint and acting out stereotypes about black people? WTF?!

Blackface was really big in the US of A back in the 19th and early 20th century, but today few Americans would feel comfortable with such a thing.  It is obviously racist.

''I was a swarte Piet when I was a kid!  We were all swarte Piet!  The fu**ed thing is: nobody thinks there's anything wrong with that in the Netherlands.''




In recent years some people have raised the issue in the public sphere.  Last year, artist and activist Quinsy Gario started a campaign to raise awareness.  He made a t-shirt stating : ''Swarte Piet is Racism'' and wore it amidst the crowd on the beloved day of celebration, which in the Netherlands is December 5th.  He made more t-shirts for anyone wanting them, using spray paint and a stencil.  (I'd have to verify, but I'm pretty sure he made them for free.)
He upsetted many people that day.  He got beaten and was arrested.



Thus ensues a Tuesday lunchtime conversation about colonialism, slavery, and denial.

And then I heard myself take the conversation in a strange direction... ''Bien sûr, c'est évident que c'est un une tradition qui est directement liée au passé colonial de la Hollande.  C'est fuck** up, no doubt.  But I'd like to remind us that slavery, colonialism, and racism, are not necessarily exactly the same thing.''

Couldn't help playing devil's advocate.

L'esclavage, rappelons-nous, existait bien avant la rencontre entre les Européens et le reste du monde.  Les nations africaines prenaient et s'échangeaient eux-mêmes des esclaves avant l'arrivée des blancs.  Les colons Européens n'ont fait que continuer dans une voie qui était déjà établie depuis des siècles:

Slavery was known in almost every ancient civilization, and society, including Sumer, Ancient Egypt, Ancient China, the Akkadian Empire,Assyria, Ancient India, Ancient Greece, the Roman Empire, the Islamic Caliphate, the Hebrews in Palestine, and the pre-Columbian civilizations of the Americas.^[4] Such institutions included debt-slavery, punishment for crime, the enslavement of prisoners of war, child abandonment, and the birth of slave children to slaves.^[19]

That being said, it appears to me that it was the impetus of European colonial expansionism that blew the whole slavery thing to overwhelming, global proportions.  Great explorations... Massive scale exploitation.  Rifles and bibles... An unprecedented level of recklessness and greed.  

''But slavery in itself, back then, was not immoral per se.  It was simply a fact, the way of doing things.'' 

My comment raised consternation.  My roommates were confused about my position.  
I reiterated that I wasn't denying the evils perpetrated in the name of colonialism.  I tried to highlight the conceptual line and the historical relativity of those concepts that are so charged today.

Instead, it sounded like I was denying the immorality colonialism and post-colonial, institutionalized racism.  

With a harshness in her voice, F. told me: ''Why do you feel the need to say these things?''

''I guess I want to relativize some things,'' I answered.

'' Why are you even going there? What's the point?'' she retorted.

I had to think about it.  What was my point?

Her intervention left me feeling yucky throughout the day.
Could it be that I defending or minimizing racism?  Me?!  Impossible.  I know what my relationship with all of this is.  I've grappled with it, somehow, since I was twelve years old, and I guess I feel that I can allow myself to transcend the anger and the guilt...

I recognize that the Dutch people aren't apparently there, however.

Later, taking up the reflection so as to understand more clearly: what had my point been?

Black ''helpers'' to white santa.
How does it make you feel in your stomach?

I'm coming from the perspective of assuming an evolution in consciousness.  To me, this is the principal raison d'être of the linear time mindset.  For what we call history is, we must remember, tainted with a teleological component.  We are going somewhere.  History, so that we may learn from the past.  History so that we might figure out what kind of future we want.

In this light, I would suggest that the concept of moral superiority - how I use the term 'racism' - came about as the collective psyche's response to the violence that was being perpetrated: the white man needed to cope, in order to justify his brutal actions.  It is no wonder why European intellectuals co-opted the theory of evolution and turned Darwin's biological hypotheses into what has come to be know as Social Darwinism.  

To me that marks the advent of modern racism.  (Did the Egyptians use moral justifications for the enslavement of the Hebrews? I don't know.)

Now here's another thought.  The 'coping mechanism against guilt' hypothesis actually leads to a fascinating implication; that a ''universalist morality'' was latent in the  European psyche of the 18th and 19th century.  In other words, it implies the presence of the evolutionary potential already built in in consciousness(if one accepts the postulate that racism is less than let's say 'universal love').

But I didn't manage to phrase all of this during our conversation.  I saw my friends indignated and didn't think it was a good moment to go into theories about the evolution of consciousness and the evolution of morality.  Perhaps it would have been.

Something had been left unclear and unsettled.  So in the evening, I took up the conversation with M. again.

''I am weary of the dualism, the hatred, and the segregation.  I am weary of the guilt and the finger pointing.  I'm not sure it's the solution.  It might be a step towards resolution, but there is more to this.  I want to push the debate further.

I think racism is a defense mechanism and I wonder if putting it in people's faces without going deeper in the conversation might not perpetuate the chasm.  
White people feeling all this guilt, getting ever more defensive.  Yes, it is probably a necessary step to go through.  But then what ?"

Can we, should we, and how do we transcend white guilt?  (Neil, tell me...)

I feel ready and want to transcend it.  I want to feel all this pain and I want to forgive white people too.  I want to place what happened, as well as what's happening, within proper context.

Which context is this?

Social darwinism came about as a false rationalization for the EXPLOITATION of foreign RESSOURCES.  Think about it...

That was my point.  Or rather, my ellipses.

''In the end,'' I said, ''the reason why I'm saying that all of this - Swarte Piet, Quincy Gario, and Facebook threads on whether or not Dutch people are in denial about their colonial past - is good, is because... WE'RE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION right now.  

It happened fifty years ago in the United States.  It's only beginning to take place in the Netherland.''
(Today, Obama got re-elected!  Thank Evolution!)