to expose

To expose, to express
All the voices in my head, including that of the judge, that of my therapist, that of the martyr, that of et cetera.  To expose the voices that do me violence... to expose the turbulence.  People enjoy seeing people fighting themselves
There is no comedy without tragedy.  I have the tragedy, and I am learning to move beyond it, and to laugh at myself when I take myself so seriously.
We are learning to move beyond the idea, that there is virtue in suffering.  It is not necessary to be a martyr.  It's necessary to lighten up, to laugh.
Zarathustra is so intense, so judging, so exuberantly dramatic.  If I own his words as mine - and I do - then the voices that come up will be invited too.. and there we have it.
I'm so hard on myself.
Philosophy with a hammer.
Gotta move beyond judgement, beyond not only good and evil, but even good and bad.
It's a service I can offer.  It's an offering.  My psyche multi-layered, meta-thinking, constantly.  It makes me tired.  It makes me floaty. It makes me heavy.

I feel safe with Dara.  She's known me for years and I feel that she's on my side.  She feels with me.  But what about the audience?  What about my peers?  In front of their eyes I feel judgement: she's too intense, she's too analytical, she's vain, superficial, she doesn't know how to act, she's scattered, etc.  She's giving too much away, and it's vain.  Or she's got nothing to say.
And I'm not funny.  I'm not comedic.  I mean, I don't even know what I mean.  I got something to say. I just don't know what it is.  Oh! Poor me!  What a curse to be so perceptive and unable to express what I know.  Oh! Poor me! So alone! /Shut up you whiner!/ No you shut up!