After school today, I put my wolf hat on, and headed for my apartment. There is something about riding bike in the freezing air of the Pandhandle. I'm not sure if I like it or not. The trees are wonderful though.
There is power in knowledge.
And I know many things.
For instance I know that venus is retrograde and that I am making the encounter of this guy, this man, who - i must admit it to myself - reminds me of Mikael. O! Mikael! Forever part of my psychic space!
I know, that I am bound to project some "unresolved feelings" about Mikael onto you.
I know that I feel I might be asked to deal with questions of trust.
You told me, "I have to admit to myself -it's ironic, and I don't like it- but deep inside I don't trust women..." We tried to figure out what that meant.
It's a day later now, and I realized that I am
also dealing with that. I do not trust men. It's sad and it runs deep. I don't even know where it comes from for I do not remember experiencing any
big trauma inflicted on me by a man.
Besides,
I want nothing more (non-exclusively, of course) in this life than to inspire trust. And aren't you implicitly saying the same thing? You said you have been given so much that you know you have a lot to give. I think I know exactly what you mean.
I have a story in my head, about a boy I once met. It's a tale of attraction; and it's a tragedy. To have been in love with a boy, and to never really knowif I can trust what I thought was reciprocity. To be left with no answer; for he sits debilitated in a wheelchair today. And he has a piece of my heart now.
In the shower, just now, I began crying. I was opening up - because you are triggering that in me - and in allowing myself to feel whatever came up, I saw how much more I have to feel about the story of Mikael.
I don't know what it all means.
But I know it makes sense.
Somehow. It is
the Tao.
So.. Ah!Ah! You have no power sur moi!
May I remain centered in my [true] self
May I follow and speak my truth.
May I act out of love
[and respect for myself]
and not out of fear
May I be patient
May I remain playful.
Inuitive.
May I enjoy
this process.
Alive.