Naming my name

This guy...

  Location: a chic hostel in the middle of Prague.  I've reserved my spot for three nights, for only 300 Czech crowns (10 Euros) per night.  I'm in the mixed-gender "dorm", but it looks more like a collective hotel room, with white fluffy beds and a full kitchen!  There's a group of Aussies in the next room.

I spent yesterday afternoon in a state of limbo.  On one hand, I was (and still am) digesting the reality of my departure from Berlin and of all the good people I left behind.  On the other hand, I felt overwhelmed by the complete inaccessibility of the language here... of being a tourist again.
I didn't quite feel lonely however.  Just, in limbo.

was all over Berlin...

This being said, I would like to revisit my recent past for a moment (I've obviously been having difficulties blogging in real time lately!) because I feel the need to reiterate... to remember: how I am fool of love.

For I felt it on Sunday evening: this almost unbearable amount of love, filling up my chest... this feeling that I could almost explode... so full of Love!
It's that feeling that's behind my name.  It's that phenomenon that brings me grace; whether it be around the table with my friends and family in Quebec, or in Dolores Park in San Francisco, or even... in Berlin?
Perhaps I can really do it.  Perhaps I can feel the connection even as I live this nomadic existence.
There's always that ambivalence of emotions: part mourning and part celebration.

and it just made me...

I could hardly believe my eyes on Sunday night.
It was HE's last show, and the room at Silver Future was full of these people who have hosted me in the past month and a half: Christian, my first Berlin host (and last, as I went full circle and spent the last couple of nights at his place), Jakob (he who brought me to the Dunckerstrasse house, and to contact improv class!), as well as Alyssa, who came all the way from Hamburg, and everybody at the Hermanstrasse house!!

What a beauty-full picture it was to see all these generous souls gathered in one room, along with friends from the Shake Circus: Sharon and Daniel and Asia, and Camille and Robert, and two of the Tentabulles women (lesbo-acro, as Harvey and I like to call it) ... even one of the girls from the dance project I did at Tachales! ...They had all come to see our ShameNoShame! and now they were mingling and connecting with one another.  And I felt so touched, so honored, so blessed... so fool of Love!

smile...
every single time!

AND, well it was Harvey and I's last show together... at least for a while.  Seven-or-so months, of working together, and there we were, having come soooo far!  There we were, the trans-national, genderstranged clown duo... playing on stage at one of the most queerlicious spots on the planet.    We did it!  We co-created this absurdist/extremely meaningful (contradiction? sure!) piece of clown theater.  We put in those countless hours of rehearsals, organization, and fundraising, and made our project soar all the way across the Atlantic!  What a team.  What an eccentric duo.  What a work ethic.  What a perfect dynamic for me to explore my aesthetics, my emotions, my limitations.  I am so thankful Harvey came into my life, I know our relationships is beyond those seven months, I know there is much more for us to share.
But for now, we had to part.  Or to put it more accurately: I had to part.  I had to set sail and see more of the world.
She is immigrating to Germany.  I need to journey on the boundary for now...
So I'm off, on my own.
And I take with me this bag of memories.. the laughter and the conversations...

Thank you friends.
Wherever you might be...

I hope to make my life, my joys and my wonder, like an offering and inspiration for ya'll...