It seems that my initiation into busking is approaching. Since Sharon has told her that he thinks ShameNoShame! would do a good (did he actually say "good"?) street show, Harvey has been fueling the pyre, talking to people, researching the best spots of the city, and trying to boost my courage. I've also done some research. I can see how gathering and keeping a crowd is the hardest part of the deal. The thing is, the beginning of ShameNoShame! is basically me alone (with a giant cake, that's true), because Harvey is in the cake-puppet at that point. Therefore, it falls on me to attract and capture people's attention.
Something just occurred to me as I'm writing this! I always talk about how I struggle with being too big and taking too much space. Well Ève, there you go; here's the opportunity to turn the curse into a gift! Still...
Neil asks, and I deem it a good challenge to try and answer:
"For whose benefit are you attempting to serve?
And for what purpose?"
I find the question difficult to answer, because I feel that the reasons why I practice clowning and the subject matter of this particular play are somehow juxtaposed, but not identical.
I've written somewhat extensively about my relationship with clowning. So let's me first explore the specifics of ShameNoShame!
Both Harvey and I are thinkers. We probably think too much when we work; we know that, but can't help the fact. As we see it, our play attempts to serve 1) women 2) the pleasure-principle 3) anybody dealing with an oppressive superego! The purpose behind it? Something along the lines of bringing an awareness to the predicament of the many women, for whom the sexual experience has been defined by the precepts and expectations of our patriarchal society. And this, in turn, is reflected in the ways we too often compromise our integrity in the name of acceptance and so-called love. Obviously, this challenge may apply to any gender. I guess our piece also addresses more general ideas of gender, if only in a lighter, more playful way.
Yeah, I guess I can't quite believe I'd be doing this in the streets... but if not in Berlin, where?
Or perhaps I should confess, that the topic is not actually the closest to my heart at this point in life. I fully endorse the message (especially now that I've revised what it's about, so thanks Neil!) but I must admit that I personally feel a little bit detached from the subject.
What can I say? I haven't dated in a long time. ;)
Perhaps that's because I value my integrity a little too tightly? Perhaps it's because each thing comes in its own time...
Right now, I'm working.
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| On my roof |
You know what's funny, Év, is that I feel a bit detached from the subject matter, too. I feel like a fairly asexual right now, too. Sexuality and gender are, at this moment in time, solely intellectual topics for me. Nevertheless, I feel they are important topics to bring up in an activist sense. I discussions of gender, women's sexuality and queerness to become unspecialized. I want to erase the taboo, to have you and I and him and her and they just be normal and accepted. I don't feel a strong emotional connection to the work is always necessary. Sometimes, too strong an emotional connection can even be a hindrance because one loses objectivity. Please don't think that I am so attached to this subject matter. It was just what we had at the time to start working and get us booked, and it's a 25 minute act we can do on the street that I believe is unique enough to get and hold people's attention.
ReplyDeleteI sense a lot of fear coming from you and I think you are nervous. I have nerves as well. You have said time and time again that you wanted to learn about busking, so let's do it. Rush into the fire with me? What do you have to lose?
I only have my pride to lose... so please.. let's do it :)
ReplyDeleteWow, I am super impressed and inspired in your process to those questions. My love, you're vulnerable at the moment, so bask in that. It's where growth takes place.
ReplyDeleteI feel your energy and passion for life in your last post. You are a risk-taker, remember that, sister.
I'm with you and your incredibly brilliant work!