"Berlinswings"

Berlin has been rainy and I took a slow day today.  I went for a wet walk, got some organic groceries, cooked some, and sat with my computer for several hours, sipping ginger green tea.  I wouldn't say that I feel depressed; but I do feel like a lot is simmering inside...
It's all about this free will business again.  I'm here, finally, on the old continent.  I look around, and I know there would be so much for me to learn if I stayed here for a bit; languages, cultures, history... some [European] perspectives.

But, of course, I have this tension inside of me. (What good Libra palindromic woman wouldn't!)  It's the eternal "Should I stay or should I go?" (What good Uranian-Moon person wouldn't?)

Do be, or not do, be?

You see, Harvey and I have embarked on this adventure together.  And I realize that, through/in my partnership with her, I... entered a "new level of identification" with the role, the function... with the persona of "artist".  (I could elaborate on this of course; but I won't here.)  We embarked on this project called ShameNoShame!, and things started to unfold in such a serendipitous way.
A few weeks ago, Harvey turned to me and said: " Ev, do you realize that our show was just... a step in the direction of being here, and that there's something else going on?" (I'm paraphrasing.)
I understood what she meant.  Yet I wonder..
But I am not Harvey.  I have to remind myself of that sometimes.)  What would it mean for me to stay in Berlin for a bit?

"Gegen Nazis"
Anti-Nazis Movement

After all, there the fact that I am witnessing a real anarchist "movement" here!  Though "movement" isn't even the right word.  These are artists, living together in groups of 6 to 60, in former squats.  But I am told that "squats" do not exist anymore.  Today people pay rent.  It's cheap, but they pay.  They have rebuilt these buildings, destroyed during the war, and experimented with "community living", in a radical sense.
There are dancers, and performance artists.  There's also that puzzling and beautiful language that is German.  And there's the fact that people from around the world converge here and decide to speak English!
I have taken a few movement/dance classes (contact improv! wow... *more later on this!) already, and every time they have been in English, sometimes translated in German.  I am in shock! I wonder: How can a language so smoothly flood a region.. or should I say, a generation?!

Yet the fact is, people are exchanging and learning
from one another.

Berlin is a trip.  I encounter its history everyday.  I encounter myself in it too.
But I thought I was ready to settle and go back to Quebec.  It's not that the two have to be the same thing.  It's that I have my roots there, and within six months, my free insurance health care!
I don't know that I have the energy to begin something from the ground again.  I did it once, and I loved it; but would I do it twice?
I mean, I don't have to stay for five years or anything.  I just, long so bad to take on a function in society.

I call this: a saturn return.