amor transitioni

I thought I was better at handling the emotional toll of leaving places and people I love.  After all, I've had at least fifteen years of practice, being on the road, moving to the USA, traveling back and forth between homes.
I thought that understanding the principles of non-attachment, of right timing, and of transcendental Love would help.   And it certainly does.  But the phenomenon of transition is not something to be grappled with rationally.
It's physical.  Therefore it is bound to being emotional.
As a friend noted, the plane takes only 8 hours to fly between San Francisco and Montreal; but my soul-body needs a bit more.

So I've been a bit emotional these past few days.
I'm back in the heat, back in my lovely apartment, back at my lovely work, and loving riding my bike around marvelous Montreal city.  I even got to manifest my dream of swimming in the river!  I'm back in my life...
so how come I'm feeling so ... lost ?
I don't get it,  because I felt so clear and grounded last week.
What happened to this energy and clarity I thought I had gathered?  What happened to the ''I'm ready to step into more of who I am deeply inside, spiritually and to share of my passion and of my unique vision with the world'' ?  My vacation allowed me to listen to some parts of me I'd left aside a bit.  I (re)discovered the important of con-centration.
I was so excited about getting back home and integrating these things I re-membered.

Guess what?  It's not that easy!
I'm a bit impatient, I'll admit.  I thought I'd get back in my apartment and start pouring out ''the book''.  I felt it so strongly while I sat in the Asian Art Museum; it was so clear!

Now I feel a bit overwhelmed.  Perhaps it's the white page, that first paragraph, that narrowing down the theme, the point, that putting expansive impressions into words...
Writing a book is no simple process.

I'm going to be patient with myself.  I may still let fear tickle me at times, I might still get tempted by the voice of the little demon on my shoulder:  ''What if I'm just not good enough?  What if I'm just fooling myself?''
But I'm happy to say that I've grown to know mySelf enough to know that it's not really in ''my'' power.  Though my ego would like to know and have control on when and how, I cannot decide how what wants to emerge is going to emerge...
I can only acknowledge: there is something so deep and so full within me...
And that alone is a blessing.