Does the future lay dormant in the present's seed? Is there a path, predetermined, to follow to my actualization? I like to believe that we hold the truth within ourselves, and that perhaps if I could just listen attentively enough I could hear the advice from my own inner wisdom.
I think about the future. I think I'm doing pretty good living in the present, but I know the future distracts me considerably. I'm trying to untangle things, get clarity on priorities.
Do I want to live a life of performance and teaching as a clown? Do I want to become a drama therapist? (How many other options am I not thinking about?) My heart tells me I wish for it all. I can even see it all, in due time. But what's next, as of next Fall?
Why clown? Well, because it's my spiritual path. Because it's the crux for my soul. Because the archetype resides and dances in my heart-mind and I cannot deny how alive the idea makes me feel! But can I endure this life of "performance"? Can I endure the perpetual unknown? (Isn't that part of the spiritual challenge?!) Can I endure my relationship with Creativity?
Or do I want a job, with a bit more structure? Do I want more of a regular schedule and salary? Do I want to have more direct and explicit interactions with people, assisting them through their healing process?
Why couldn't I create a regular schedule and salary for myself as an artist?
Is it that one is more extraverted, more centered around self-expression, while the other is more grounded in society and more low profile? Do I want to expose myself, or do I want to hold and create space for others to explore themselves?
Do I want others to, in a way, depend on me, as opposed to feeling like I'm generally perceived as a mere entertainer?
Can I be good enough as an artist? Would I be content with not making history? Yeah, what's up with this "hero" complex anyway. What is it that I'm trying to prove, and to whom? Perhaps what Eve wants is a simple somewhat normal life, without explicit or public recognition...
Decisions, decisions...
All I know is my heart is big and beating, and I want to feel with and for people. Around the world would be nice. Around the hood would be really good. All I know is I want to EMPOWER people, FREE them, generate TRUST and LOVE and CONNECTION and INSPIRATION.
Musings of a thursday evening. Does the future already exists, dormant, in my subconscious heart-mind?
The verbal dance of a Polypassionate. Being & Becoming... Expressing Impressions... Manifesting... worlds of imagination.
About this clown
- Ève
- I often feel that we're all spinning slowly... like a mirror ball. Yes, we are all mirrors to each other. And so, it is the Light between us that I hope to help reveal and celebrate. /// J'ai souvent l'impression que nous sommes une boule disco qui tourne lentement. Nous sommes tous des miroirs pour les uns les autres. C'est donc la lumière qu'il y a entre nous que j'espère contribuer à souligner et à célébrer.
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